


Leave your Worry on the Doorstep

by Hermaline75



Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anal Sex, Eventual Smut, First Time, Lawyers, M/M, Masturbation, Oral Sex, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Warnings May Change
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-03
Updated: 2018-02-19
Packaged: 2019-02-16 14:00:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 41
Words: 43,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13055415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hermaline75/pseuds/Hermaline75
Summary: Falling out of the social care system at eighteen with no idea of the identities of his parents, Loki is willing to take a chance on just about anything.So finding out he might just be the heir to a vast fortune? Well... What's the worst that could happen?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by [pinknoonicorn](https://archiveofourown.org/users/pinknoonicorn/pseuds/pinknoonicorn) in the [ThorLokiPromptMeme](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/ThorLokiPromptMeme) collection. 



> I've gone a little off-prompt on this I'm afraid, aging Loki up a little bit, but hopefully it's still recognisable. There have been multiple potential directions in the drafts (or more accurately in my head before ever reaching draft stage) but this is the one I chose. I hope you enjoy it!
> 
> (I plan to update this every other day but I'm afraid I can make no promises.)

"What do you want to be when you grow up, Loki?"

They always asked him that. Ever since he could remember, social workers asked that question. It was probably meant to help assess his mental health somehow.

He was sure he'd always ticked the 'normal' box, on that at least. As a child, he listed all the usual things. Fire fighter. Train driver. Rock star. And then later, when he'd learned to suck up a bit more, he'd smile and say social worker and then laugh at how flattered they would be. Thinking they really made a difference to his life.

Funny how even the most flimsy of safety nets felt indispensable when there was the threat of them going away.

Loki was going to legally grow up and despite all his dreams of running away and escaping The System, it turned out to be much, much too soon. One day, he'd be a child in the care of the local authority and the next he'd be officially an adult and would be expected to move out of his room. Out of the building. And he understood why. You couldn't have grown men hanging out in a children's home, obviously. And demand was high. Hundreds of children needed a safe place to live and one of them would be lucky enough to get his bed. But still... Most people looked forward to their 18th birthday, he assumed. He was dreading it.

His last social worker - for the foreseeable future - was new. Freshly qualified. Very earnest and well meaning, not yet ground down by the despair the system tended to infuse in people. Her name was Mina - short for Yasmina - and her nail varnish seemed perpetually chipped.

The first one he remembered being assigned to look out for him had been sacked eventually. Shame really. Clive had been nice. But he'd also been caught with vodka in his water bottle at two in the afternoon and, well, functional or not, they couldn't leave an alcoholic around the children.

In some ways, it had been good for Loki. He'd realised that everyone would leave him eventually. Best just to get his head down and stay out of trouble.

"We're implementing a new system to stay in touch with our former residents," Mina was saying. "To make the transition a little easier. I understand you're planning to move to the halfway house before looking for more permanent accommodation?"

Loki shrugged.

"That's where they're putting me."

She looked at him, big brown eyes full of concern. How old was she? Twenty-two? Twenty-three? And yet she was the grown-up and he was the child. Her job was to try to help him, even though he doubted she felt like an adult at all.

"And do you have any further plans?" she asked.

"I'm going to get a job. Save up to pay for college."

"And are your family going to help with that? Grandparents or an uncle or...?"

His... What?

He hadn't exactly been engaged in this discussion, but now he was completely shutting down. And she could see it in his eyes, panicking, flicking through his file back to his early childhood. Her eyes rushed back and forth over the page, jaw going loose.

"Oh," she said.

"Oh..." Loki said bitterly.

***

_A newborn baby boy has been found on the doorstep of St Jude's Hospital. Police held a press conference on Wednesday to ask his mother to come forward as they are 'concerned for her welfare.'_

_The child was found wrapped in a blanket with the initials LL embroidered upon it and is said to be in good health..._

Loki had read the news report of his discovery hundreds of times. Thousands. It was only a few paragraphs, news in brief. Something more important must have happened the same day that pushed him back to page six. And so he had become Child L. Mother unknown. Father unknown. Date of birth estimated. A cursory birth certificate, just confirming that he existed.

They named him Loki after the Norse god. He wasn't sure why. Maybe because it sounded like "lucky."

And he was one of the lucky ones, as these things went. He'd not been abused. He'd not been removed from his home for his own safety. He'd just been left in a safe place, in a blanket that seemed to suggest someone cared about him.

Just not enough to actually look after him themselves.

He'd bounced around. Children's home to foster home, sharing rooms and resources. Some better than others.

He'd read his files whenever he could get his hands on them.

_Loki does not make friends easily. Loki has problems telling the truth - not compulsive but impulsive. Loki has clear abandonment issues._

Yeah, no shit.

He only had himself to rely on. Other people were always going to let him down. It was a fact.

***

"I'm sorry, I hadn't had time to go back through to the start of your papers..."

Loki blinked himself back to the present.

"It's fine," he said icily.

"It's not. I'm so sorry, it's so unprofessional."

"Why bother reading up on me? I'll be gone by the end of the month."

She looked at him with so much pity in her eyes, her careful eyeliner distinctly threatened by tears, reaching out as though to take his hand but then thinking better of it.

"We are going to stay in touch with you, Loki," she said. "That's not an empty promise."

He couldn't hold back the scoff.

"Yeah. You'll keep in touch until I get out of the halfway house so you can put someone else in my space. Don't worry about me. I can look after myself."

She glanced down at his notes and he wondered which of his many faults and issues she was having confirmed.

It didn't matter. Three weeks later, he was in a new slightly damp-smelling room with a bed, desk, pin board and lockable door and was highly unlikely to see her ever again.

He got a job working fast food. Not the best, not his first choice, but he took every hour he could all the same - and, of course, being under twenty-one, they didn't have to pay him as much as his older colleagues - plus he got a free meal every shift. The heat and grease played havoc with his skin, but it was a saving.

The staff area became a haven. Away from irritating customers, away from the noise. Not away from the smell, but that would have been a miracle. It seemed to follow him around like a cloud.

He read the papers just for something to do. Maybe he wondered if the classifieds would somehow have a better job or a cheap room that wasn't listed online and therefore had fewer applicants. No such luck. Anything there was sounded distinctly dodgy.

The births, marriages and deaths interested him though. Who still did this, other than the royals and so on? 'Mr and Mrs So-and-so are thrilled to announce the birth of Theobald James, a brother to Giovanna and Jim...'

A long time ago, aged about seven, he'd almost convinced himself that he was a secret prince, illegitimate and so left somewhere safe. Even though the Ls didn't make sense in that case. He was sure they were his real initials, the only real thing about him. The name he was meant to have. Luke. Lucas. Lionel. Lawrence. Leo. Luigi...

Maybe it was just because he was thinking about his old dreams that the black-rimmed announcement caught his eye.

_Borsson Solicitors seek heirs to the estate of Mr Laufey Laufeyson, who passed away August 14th. All potential claims considered._

That was... weird. What a weird thing. 'All potential claims'? It almost sounded like they were expecting something outlandish.

In the back of his mind, a plan began to form. A ridiculous plan, but all the same...

He tore the page out and carefully put it in his wallet.


	2. Chapter 2

It took a lot of begging to swap shifts for a whole weekday, but double time on the weekend was a future problem. Loki dressed in his neatest outfit, his job interview clothes. It would probably be better if his faded trousers weren't fraying polyester, but all the same, he'd managed to drag out the house ironing board to press his shirt into something vaguely resembling crispness. He could look a lot worse.

Not that the receptionist he came face to face with seemed to think so. The man looked him up and down in a way that felt like he had been read immediately. Like his ridiculous idea to pretend he was the rightful heir was, indeed, ridiculous and this man could see right through it. It was disconcerting, to say the least.

"Yes, sir? Can I help you?"

Loki swallowed hard to cover his nerves. It was the man's eyes that were throwing him. They were almost gold, not like anyone's he'd ever seen before.

"I'm here about the estate of Laufey Laufeyson," he said, proud by how smooth he sounded.

Another one of those probing looks.

"And you are?"

A foundling. A little lost lamb. Someone just looking for a chance.

All the things he'd planned to say died in his throat in front of such scrutiny.

"I'd rather talk about that in private. I thought all claims were to be considered."

For a moment, he thought he'd overplayed his hand. Thought he was going to be sent away with a clip round the ear and nothing else to show for it. But then the man picked up the phone on his desk and pressed the first speed-dial.

"A young man to see you, Mr Borsson. About the Laufeyson case. Yes. Yes. Late teens, I'd say. Around Thor's age perhaps. I... Really?"

There was a long pause, the voice on the other end of the line evidently having a lot to say.

"Alright. I'll send him along."

He put down the phone, making no attempt to hide his bafflement as he directed Loki down a corridor towards a sort of leather bench to wait on. Not a couch. Not comfortable enough for that. Maybe people waiting here weren't supposed to be comfortable.

Time crawled by and Loki tried not to fidget. They were probably calling the police. Coming to get rid of him, give him a caution for wasting time. Or attempted identity theft.

At length, the door opened and Loki leapt to his feet only to come face to face with someone much too young to be head of a solicitors' firm. They looked about the same age, give or take.

Another look. Would people please stop looking at him?

But this was different. This was appreciative in some way. Almost unpleasantly so, though Loki couldn't deny the boy - the man - was handsome enough. But there was something about it, a hint of consumption almost that made Loki bristle. He wasn't used to looks that tried to taste him.

Another man, much older, appeared. They looked similar. Father and son, probably.

"I think you have quite enough to be getting on with," he said pointedly. "And, as you can see, I have a potential new client to speak with."

One last look, a half smile and he finally left, Loki reeling slightly from what had just happened. What the hell was that?! How dare he?

"Odin Borsson," the old man said, shaking Loki's hand and inviting him into his office. "Excuse my son. He's always looking for an excuse to avoid his work."

Loki tried not to stare around the high-ceilinged room, painted in a sort of burnished yellow, like old parchment. Warm but bright. It felt more like a fancy house than a place of work.

A huge wingback chair almost enveloped him as Odin made his way back to his side of the desk, steepling his fingers.

"So, you think you're a Laufeyson I gather. Have you brought along a birth certificate? Identification?"

Loki's mouth went dry and he tried to clear his throat with little success. Odin poured him a glass of water from a large bottle on his desk, one of those ones with a wire opening, like a Kilner jar.

It tasted of lemon. Faintly but distinctly.

"I, er... I actually don't know who my parents are," he said, heart hammering. "But I think this... This Laufey guy might be my dad. Or my granddad maybe."

It sounded so stupid out loud. Why had he even come? Had he really thought there wouldn't be follow up questions? This was ridiculous. These people were lawyers, it was their job to see right through lies and obscuring babble

"I see. And do you have any evidence other than a gut feeling?"

Another sip of water. He was so thirsty suddenly.

"I was abandoned as a baby in a blanket marked LL. It might have some connection. Since he was Laufey Laufeyson."

He waited to be laughed out of the room, but instead there was just silence.

"Do you have it?" Odin asked. "May I see?"

Loki blinked. Was this a dream? It felt like a dream suddenly. This was not how things went, logically speaking.

"It's at home," he mumbled. "I keep it in plastic to protect it from moths."

"And where is home at present?"

What was happening? Was this to tell the police later?

"Room 5F, Ashbrooke House, 15 Lazenby Terrace."

Odin nodded sagely, considering.

"The halfway house," he said. "I should have known."

"You know it?"

Odin stood up and began pacing, his hands folded behind his back. Promenading might have been a better word even.

"I'm a solicitor who specialises in family law. Divorces, inheritances, parental rights. I've had more than one legal aid client based in Ashbrooke House. What are you doing with yourself while you're there?"

"I work for a large restaurant chain."

It slipped smoothly off his tongue. It was what he said to Mina when she checked in on him with irritating regularity.

Odin was not so easily placated though.

"You mean you're flipping burgers for a living."

He sounded almost... disappointed. Loki huffed and crossed his arms defensively.

"It's a job. It's better than nothing. I need the money."

"How are your school results?"

What the fuck was going on? What did that have to do with anything? Was he going to inherit something or not?

"Fine, I guess, but..."

"How fine?"

"Three A stars, two A's."

Odin snorted.

"I think that's a bit better than fine, don't you?"

Loki had had enough of this cryptic questioning, downing the remains of his water in a large gulp.

"Why do you care? Either I'm Laufeyson's heir or I'm not."

"True, but I'm not the authority on that. That's for geneticists to uncover. However, a young man brave enough to waltz in here with nothing but a blanket and a brazen attitude? That's intetesting. I think you should quit your job. I might have an internship with your name on it."

The air all seemed to have been sucked out of the room somewhere along the line. This was a trick. It had to be.

"Wouldn't you rather know my name before you put it on a contract?"

Odin chuckled. Later, Loki would realise how strange that was.

"I know your name, Loki. Babies left in blankets are not exactly a common thing. I remember reading about you eighteen years ago. And, you know, even then I wondered if you might be... But I was not family. It wasn't my place to enquire."

Loki couldn't breathe. He clung to the arms of the chair, the glass so cold in his hand.

"You know who I am," he said. "You know where I come from."

"You'll need a DNA test, but yes. I think perhaps I do."


	3. Chapter 3

It was a standard question for kids in care to ask one another. "What are your parents like?"

And Loki had invented a thousand identities for them, in and out of his own head. A princess. A stunt rider. An international cat burglar. Someone exciting, someone interesting.

As he got older, he started trying to be more realistic, work from what he knew. His mother was not an addict, for example, or at least had not been using anything while she was pregnant. He had been perfectly healthy, by all accounts, not one of those tiny infants whose first independent experience was heroin withdrawal.

But despite it all, he still didn't know for sure. He'd put it aside as something that would always be a mystery and tried not to worry about it.

And now here was a man who might be able to tell him the truth at last. DNA notwithstanding.

Suddenly, he wasn't even sure if he wanted to know. It was all too much. But if he didn't take it now, he might never have the chance again.

"Why did they leave me?"

That hadn't been the question he meant to ask. He'd meant to ask what they were like. What kind of people, maybe what they'd done for a living. But then again, you didn't just get rid of a lifetime of loss and abandonment just like that. All he wanted to know was a reason, whether good or bad, why they had decided they couldn't keep him.

Odin sighed and went to his window, gazing out over the street. No eye contact.

"I can't pretend to know what went through their minds if they did," he said. "But your mother was not well while she was pregnant, I know that much."

"Not well how?"

A faint shiver and Odin turned back to face him, shaking his head as if to clear it.

"I can't be certain you are her son yet. It would be inappropriate to discuss it without genetic confirmation."

Fear shot through Loki's whole body like he'd touched a live wire. Well, it was obvious, wasn't it? Mental illness. That kind of sick?

And that could mean almost anything. How serious was it? Something manageable alone or was she getting professional help and could he have inherited it or...?

So many questions flew through his mind. He felt close to throwing up, or at least like he needed some fresh air. The truth of his whole existence was just a pinprick or a hair root or a cheek swab away.

Did he even want to know? Really? He'd not come here to find his long-lost family, he'd come for money, to take an inheritance whether it was rightfully his or not. Might as well, if no one else came forward. Might as well give it to him.

"Is it paid, this internship?" he heard his own voice ask. "I don't want to quit my job and then it turns out I'm not the right abandoned child and end up on the streets."

Social workers always panicked when he said things like that. Mistook realism for pessimism and therefore depression.

Odin frowned at him, like he wasn't making sense. Or else he was just extremely sure Loki was who he thought for some reason. Maybe the likeness was striking.

"It seems to me you've had a singularly unfortunate life," he said, his tone not as kind as his words. "I feel it's about time you had some good luck. Yes, it would be paid. A smart young man like you just needs a chance, that's all."

A year or two ago, Loki might well have jumped at such an opportunity. But he liked to think he'd matured a little. You never got something for nothing. There'd be something else going on here. Something he was meant to provide in return.

"Is this what you do?" he asked, reckless as usual, pushing boundaries instinctively. "Find nubile young men and offer them jobs and then bend them over your desk at the first opportunity?"

Odin fixed him with a harsh stare. Or half of one. Loki hadn't noticed at first, but he seemed to be blind in one eye, the milky pupil gazing forever off to the side.

"You are a troubled and underprivileged soul," he said slowly but weightily, every word like a tolling bell. "And so I shall ignore that question. I consider myself a happily married man."

"Then why are you doing this for me?" Loki blurted. "No one just does things for other people. Especially not random kids from the system."

A sigh. Long and heartfelt. An old person's sigh, weary of the world.

"Laufey and Farbauti were my friends. And so, if you are their son, I want you to get what is legally yours."

"But what if I'm not? What if their real kid is out there somewhere, happily adopted by a nice family?"

"I would still like to give you a chance. I have been blessed many times; I ought to help where I can. Call it karma or paying forward or what you will. A year's paid internship. Room and utilities if you'd like, or assistance with finding an apartment to rent."

"Room and utilities where? Your place?"

"I suppose it would be, technically. We have a small extension attached to our home, a granny flat I think they call them. You'd be welcome to stay in it."

This was too suspicious. No one was this nice to a stranger without getting something in return. Karma-shmarma. And if it wasn't sex then...

"Can you tell me what the estate is worth?" Loki asked. "If I am the right long-lost heir? Or is that confidential too?"

There was a pause. A long, long pause. He'd hit on something.

"It is a seven-figure sum, including property and shareholdings. Pre-tax, of course."

"Seven... What, you mean, like, a million?"

Odin shrugged. Like it didn't matter, like it wasn't important. Like it didn't matter! Sure, a large chunk would go on inheritance tax, but that was still thousands and thousands of pounds. More money than he could even imagine actually having.

"And how much would you take?" he heard himself asking. "Or the company, how much?"

"The usual fee charged by firms specialising in finding those entitled to claim large estates is between five and fifteen percent, I believe."

Call it ten percent? So if he was left with, low estimate, half of the money, that was still 500 thousand so ten percent of that would be fifty grand... Yeah. Yeah, it would definitely be worth paying an intern and putting up with some skinny kid for a year if that was your return on it.

"But, of course, that's not my primary motivation," Odin said, standing up once more. "I want to see Laufey's money and assets go to their rightful owner."

Yeah, right. Loki managed to hold back the scoff, but only just. His head was spinning, swimming, his heart trying to escape his rib cage.

"You'll need time to think about this," Odin said, coming back to the desk with a business card.

"No, I won't," Loki said immediately. "There's a million out there with my name on it."

Odin drew his hand back a little, reaching for a pen.

"Potentially," he said. "But I didn't mean that. I meant the job offer. And the room. Think about it and give me a call. Here, use the house number if it's after office hours."

Loki staggered out of the building in a daze, almost shaking. He had a strange urge to tell people on the walk home. "I'm rich. I'm rich."

Later, the fear would set in, the worry that he wasn't the right person. The questions would come back, why millionaires would leave him on a doorstep. Wasn't like they couldn't afford him.

But for one blissful afternoon, life finally seemed to be looking up.


	4. Chapter 4

Loki thought about it. Or he tried to at least. He thought about how he shouldn't rush into things and how everyone let everyone else down sooner or later and how he shouldn't get his hopes up. Maybe he wasn't the right person. Maybe there had been no heir at all, maybe there'd been an accident or something and the baby had died.

But Odin seemed to want to employ him anyway, regardless of what happened. And, yeah, his grades had always been good but mainly by accident. School hadn't been that hard for him, academically. Socially, sure, perpetually being the new kid hadn't been fun, but teachers liked him well enough. He kept himself to himself. Kept his head down and got on with stuff. But even if he'd got top marks for everything, that was no guarantee of actually getting anywhere.

He burned himself on the grill at work and thought about the security of having a job where the most dangerous thing would be getting a paper cut or maybe tripping on the stairs.

He was kept awake by his fellow halfway-ers coming in drunk on a weeknight again and thought about having his own space in a nice house with a professional old man for a neighbour.

He was eating his fifth burger dinner of the week and found himself thinking about being able to budget for food. Proper food. Maybe he'd even get invited round and get to eat the kind of food people like Odin Borsson ate. Probably all lobster and caviar and truffles.

There was no harm in looking at the flat, surely? Just going to check the place out? And then he could decide.

The business card was a little dog-earred from living in his wallet, but the neat writing of the number still looked fresh. Like it had just been written. Not a smudge on it.

Loki waited until no one was in the shared kitchen before stealing the cordless phone, somehow more comfortable calling from it than letting Odin have his personal number. He sprinted up the stairs, almost trembling, throwing the bolt across on his door.

He sat at the desk. It seemed more professional, even though no one could see him. The touch-tone buttons played a merry tune as he punched in the number, waiting anxiously as the line picked up and began ringing.

There was always time to hang up, he told himself, as every ring buzzed in his ear.

And then there was a click. And a voice.

Not Odin's voice though. Too young for that.

"Hello?"

"Um..." Loki said, articulate as always. "I think I might have the wrong number. I'm looking for Mr Borsson."

"He's still at work."

It was after seven. Loki had just assumed office hours were over by now.

"Are you the famous Loki, then?" the voice asked. "I think I saw you when you showed up to meet my dad."

Ah. The son... Thor, was it? Yeah, Thor. Of course it was. Typical.

"I don't know if I'm the famous one," Loki said, playing dumb. "But I'm _a_ Loki. What did I look like?"

"Dark hair. Tall. Hot, if you don't mind me saying."

Ugh... Did that approach ever actually work on anyone?

"I do mind, actually," he said, glad that angry blushes weren't conveyed down phone lines.

"Sorry."

He didn't sound remotely sorry. Not even the tiniest bit.

"Mr Borsson has offered me a place to live. I wondered when might be convenient for me to see it, that's all. I can call again later if you know when he'll be back."

"The flat? Well, I'd be happy to show you it whenever. I'm usually around. I understand what nine-to-five means, unlike Dad."

Loki couldn't hold back the little laugh, a bit of mockery in it.

"Thanks, but if you're going to hit on me every time we're in the same space, I'd rather not be alone with you."

He'd struck gold. Thor stammered and he heard the distinct sound of pacing. Worried pacing.

"I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable," Thor said. "Honest. I meant it as a genuine compliment. I mean, I don't even know if you like... And it's none of my business if you do and... Sorry, man. It was inappropriate of me. I won't do it again."

At least that apology sounded sincere. Loki wasn't planning on letting him off the hook that easily though.

"I'd much rather talk to your father about it."

"Of course," Thor said, almost sheepish now. "Of course. I'll tell him you called, if you want him to call back?"

Hmm... No, he'd rather at least get something out of this conversation.

"How about you give me the address and I'll come round at eleven on Saturday? He can call me back if that doesn't suit."

"Hang on, let me write that down."

The address wasn't familiar to Loki, but that's what the internet was for. Ten minutes after saying a fairly frosty goodbye to Thor, he was downstairs at the communal PC - an ancient rattly thing in an open room, probably to discourage the watching of pornography on the council's internet.

Someone had optimistically put up a rota for the computer, twenty minute slots with a note suggesting that no one should have more than an hour at a time. It wasn't working too well, but a little negotiation with the current occupier meant Loki could steal ten minutes to have a quick search.

Oh...

Oh, wow.

Loki hadn't quite been sure what he expected. Where did fancy lawyers live anyway? But the house coming up was enormous. A double garage attached to an old house, maybe Victorian or Edwardian, a tasteful extension on the second floor on top - the flat? Was that it? The whole building had six windows just on the front and that wasn't including the ones hidden by a large tree in the front garden.

And he couldn't even see how far it went back... It might be even bigger. How many rooms was that? Master bedroom, second, third, maybe fourth bedrooms? Two smaller ones - bathrooms, maybe? En-suites? Probably all fresh and clean, not even a speck of sealant mould. No soap scum or limescale. Shiny chrome fixtures... Loki dreamed of bathrooms like that, after years of rusty taps and decaying porcelain and broken flushes and clogged pipes and...

"Where's that?"

Loki startled, closing his tab and leaping away from the screen as the rightful user came back, sandwich in hand.

"Just a house."

"Uh-huh? Why you looking at it?"

"Just... Dreaming, you know. Watched too many property shows. Picking out my perfect location."

That seemed to pass muster, thoughtful chewing ensuing and then a swallow as the sandwich-haver retook the chair and clicked back to whatever forum he'd been scrolling through.

"People like us don't live in places like that," he said.

But what if we do, Loki wondered to himself, grabbing the out-of-date paper town map to try and figure out how to walk there.

What if we do?


	5. Chapter 5

Bus or walk? The eternal conundrum.

The bus needed exact change and he didn't have it. Besides, the walk would do him good. It wasn't like he could afford to go to the gym or anything. Fresh air and an hour and a half's walk. Healthy. Bracing.

He didn't think to take an umbrella and eventually stomped up the perfect, paved drive looking like he'd gone swimming in his clothes. Doorbell? Or were they too posh to have such a thing? Maybe they'd have an actual bell.

Nope. Musical doorbell. A tinny version of a Vivaldi piece maybe. It was hard to tell. He wouldn't have thought Odin was the type, but it just went to show you never knew.

He was trying his best to run his fingers through his hair in an attempt to tame it or at least make it seem deliberately slicked back when the door opened and he came face to face with Thor. Because of course. Loki had kind of assumed that they'd have a butler or a maid or something, someone to open the door and inform them of his presence.

Well, at least any attraction Thor might have been experiencing would be well and truly stamped out.

"Oh!" he said. "Oh, God, I'm sorry. We could have picked you up."

Loki mumbled something about it being fine as he stepped inside and Thor hurried to get him a towel and a hairbrush. Under his crappy jacket, his shirt had completely stuck to his skin, soaked right through. Of all the ways to let Odin see him! Ugh.

"Dad's gone to pick something up from the office," Thor said behind him. "Do you want a coffee or something while you wait? We have, uh... We have a bunch."

Capsule coffee. Loki had never had it before, the bright little foil cups in a carousel of different colours. Latte, spiced latte, gingerbread...

It wasn't exactly a difficult machine to use, but Loki was still apprehensive as he slipped his tiny peppermint mocha pod into the holder and pressed the button to run. Ridiculous really. He made fresh coffee at work all the time and that thing had grinders and steamers attached.

They even had glass mugs, the faintly green upper layer settling like real cream.

He sat at one end of the breakfast bar in uncomfortable silence, Thor perched on a stool like a worried owl, evidently trying not to look at him in case he somehow got even more uneasy.

Eventually, the tension grew too much and Loki felt obliged to try and break it.

"What's the flat like?" he asked.

Thor shrugged.

"Nice."

Thanks, really helpful.

"Has it got a bath?"

He didn't really care - not unless it was one of those gorgeous asymmetrical ones, maybe with clawed feet - but it seemed like somewhere to start.

"No, it has, like, a full room shower? One of those ones you can put a chair in for people who have trouble standing for a long time and no steps to get in. And there's a little kitchen with a fridge-freezer and oven and a counter-top stove, double bedroom, open plan entrance and living space..."

"You sound like an estate agent."

A smile. An uncomfortable chuckle.

"It's pretty cluttered," Thor said apologetically. "Loads of stuff's ended up in there, but Dad was saying if you want it, we'll clear as much out as we can."

"What kind of stuff?"

"Oh, you know. Old computers, the old TV, books and stuff. We'll move them so you can put in your own ones."

"I don't have a TV. Or a computer."

A brief beat, Thor looking at him like he'd just said he didn't have a bed.

"You could probably keep anything you liked."

He was trying to be nice and Loki forced out a smile. Charity. Great. Still, he wasn't about to refuse free stuff. They seemed like the kind of people who could get rid of a flat-screen and replace it in a second.

He'd at least dried off enough not to be indecent by the time Odin arrived, bustling through the front door, humming and stopping in his tracks in the doorway.

"Oh! Sorry, I must have been delayed longer than expected. I hope Thor was keeping you entertained."

"I was, er... I was trying," Thor said.

Loki's eyes had fallen on the white and green paper bag in Odin's hand. Something from the office, huh? That looked decidedly medical to him.

And his staring was evidently obvious for Odin held it up, shaking it lightly like a Christmas present.

"DNA test," he said. "Just to put your mind at rest since it seemed to be bothering you."

Loki put his cup down a little harshly, amazed it didn't break against the marbled countertop. Right. Yes. Of course.

He'd kind of hoped to live this impossible dream for a little longer before having it shattered by definite evidence.

"Do you have... anti-septic wipes or something?" he croaked.

"It's a cheek swab, not a pin prick," Odin said, handing it to him. "And all the information is there if you want to read it."

The words swam in front of his eyes. Only for clinical use, material destroyed, record kept for three years or longer, please tick, results expected...

"Two weeks," Loki said, trying not to let his voice shake. "Results in two weeks."

Were those fourteen days or fourteen working days?

"Now, I don't want you worrying in that time," Odin said. "I thought it might give you a bit of solidity. And if you decided you wanted to come and work for me, that would be standard notice for your current job."

Oh, he felt sick. Fourteen days. Fourteen times twenty-four... 336 hours? Not even that many probably.

Still, it was the only way to know for sure.

The tiny plastic vial felt strange in his hands as he unscrewed it and tore open the packaging of the sterile cotton bud. A few strokes on the inside of his cheek was all it would take to provide the necessary material.

He felt like he'd barely rescrewed it and Odin was taking it from him and sealing the plastic envelope it came with, attaching the prepaid postage stickers.

"Is there not a form or something I need to fill out?" Loki asked.

"Already done," Odin said. "Thor, head over to the Post Office and get this sent. Tracked delivery. Make sure they give you a receipt."

If he hadn't liked the idea of being alone with Thor, being alone with Odin was somehow worse after all of... that. Loki felt like a product, like something consumable. A possible oil well being tapped to see if he was full of money.

"Shall we have a look at the flat, then?"

It was nice. It was always going to be nice. Nicer than most places he'd lived. Never had a room so big, even including the boxes piled along the walls. And, yes, it evidently hadn't been redecorated in a while and there were a few cracks in the kitchen floor tiles and a stain or two on the carpet, it was still much, much better than where he was at the moment.

And it would be his. No sharing, no waiting for the shower, no cleaning out someone else's gross mess from the fridge.

He'd be stupid not to take it. He'd never get a chance like this again.

"When can I move in?"


	6. Chapter 6

There were hoops to jump through first, of course. He had to provide a forwarding address, and a signed form from his new "landlord" and confirm that he understood that if he left the halfway house he was on his own, home-wise, and if he became "intentionally homeless", the council had no obligation to help him.

What a stupid expression. What did that even mean?

He made a point of asking Mina about it before she could ask him anything at their compulsory moving-on meeting.

"Oh, I hate that wording," she said. "No one makes themselves intentionally homeless. The whole system is stacked against vulnerable people and they keep poking more holes in the safety net."

She was so righteously angry. It was almost cute.

"Then what does it mean and how do I not do that?"

"Er, well, unintentional homelessness is, for example, if your landlord elects to sell the property and asks you to leave or if there is some kind of accident that makes it uninhabitable, like fire or flood. Intentional homelessness, supposedly, is when it's something you've done. Failed to pay rent, for example, or broken a contract."

"So, basically, if I get evicted."

"Generally, yes. So you need to know all the lease rules. Make sure you read all the paperwork thoroughly. If you can, apply for legal aid and have a lawyer look it over with you."

Despite himself, Loki was rather looking forward to the reveal. Her face was going to be a picture.

"I'm actually moving in with a lawyer," he said casually.

It took a second before her face twitched into a slight frown.

"You mean a lawyer is going to be your private landlord?"

"No. I mean I'm moving into his extension. He's nice. Mid-60s maybe, very friendly, says I won't have to pay rent..."

He hadn't been expecting her to take his hand, voice going very low and serious, a thumb nail with the remains of purple polish digging in just slightly.

"Loki, if someone is taking advantage of you, especially sexually, you should tell me. There is help available. If you've been coerced or forced in any way..."

It was difficult not to laugh.

"I'm just messing with you," he said, grinning at her. "Sorry. Bad habit. I got a job at his firm - paid internship, something about opportunities for the underprivileged - and he's letting me stay in the granny flat attached to his house for as long as I need. So it will be just until I find my feet, probably."

She still looked distinctly unsure, her face a perfect oval of concern.

"He has a son about my age who still lives at home. I'll barely know the difference from living here."

Except for the bigger bed and the instant hot water and the peace and quiet and a million other little things.

"Can you give me his number? I'd still like to check in."

He still had the business card, getting it out of his wallet to show her.

"Oh, he works for Borsson?"

"You know him?"

"My first case... That is, the first family I worked with... Well, I can't talk about specifics, obviously, but he was the divorce lawyer."

Hm. Interesting.

"Did you like him?"

"Erm..." she said, giving him all the answers he needed. "He's good at what he does, but I found him rather cold."

Very diplomatically put.

"That's who I'm moving in with. Or into his extension, basically. So you can stop worrying that he's molesting me."

Alright, so he wasn't telling the whole truth. He didn't want to. It was a bit of magical thinking on his part; if he didn't tell anyone, then he was still the right person and he would remain the heir to a vast fortune. Schrödinger's heir.

Mina didn't exactly look convinced. But, Loki figured, anyone interacting with that many social workers would be on their best behaviour around kids "from the system". Odin would have to be a real idiot to have designs on Loki's virtue.

"Are you absolutely sure about this, Loki?"

What a strange question.

"Am I sure I want to move into a multi-room property where I'll be able to sleep more than about three hours a night without someone playing techno at full blast? Am I sure I want to take up a job that will look great on my CV and which will get me enough money for my first year of college in about three months? Am I sure about it?"

It was a no brainer, right? And if Odin threw him out, well... Well, he'd deal with that in due course.

Despite continually telling himself this was the right decision, he couldn't help being nervous. This was a big step into the unknown and years of disappointment had encouraged him to find a niche and hide in it. He tried to keep his mind busy by packing up his stuff, but there were only so many times you could reorganise pretty much nothing.

Odin had said he'd come to collect him, but it was Thor who showed up the following Sunday morning, stepping into the halfway house like he was worried he was at the wrong place.

Loki couldn't not see the way he looked around, the pity in his eyes as he noticed the stains on the wall and the smell of a perpetually unclean kitchen, the narrow stairs creaking under his weight. It made Loki burn, ashamed and yet not, wanting to rage that this was truth, this was reality, and way more people lived like this and worse than this than lived like Thor and his family.

"You don't have to help me," he said, dragging his suitcase to the door. "I can manage."

Thor took the two other bags from him anyway, easily hoisting them onto his back.

"Do you want to say goodbye to your... friends?" he asked.

"They're not my friends. They're just people who ended up here at the same time. They won't remember me."

That evidently made Thor uncomfortable, but he didn't push, standing by awkwardly as Loki signed out for the last time, ignoring the curious looks they were getting.

"Moving in with your boyfriend?" a girl called to them out of the living room, soap omnibus blaring behind her.

Loki wasn't planning to reply but Thor got flustered and mumbled something about just being friends. Evidently he had a low bar for what counted as friendship.

"We've got it all ready for you," he said as he carefully reversed off the driveway. "And there's a TV and a computer, ready to go, and you can read any of the books if you want. We weren't sure if you'd bring your own towels and stuff so we've put some in, bedsheets too. And if you need anything, we're right next door."

A nervous talker. Fine. Loki could talk, when he wanted to.

"Thanks," he said, trying to sound sincere. "I bet it's really nice."

Thor let out a little relieved sigh, smiling at him briefly before focussing on the road again.

"So why did your dad build it? Did your grandma live there or something?"

"Um... Well, he built it around the time I was born. I was a late baby, as these things go. I think he got some perspective on things, started thinking about the future. And so he decided to build a place he could live when he's old. And I'll live in the main house and run the firm."

Loki knew what it was to feel like he had no choices in life, but that sounded...

"So, what, you're just meant to move in and take everything over? Don't you have... I don't know, other stuff you want to do?"

"Not really. It's a privilege, you know? I just have to go to university, get a law degree, come back and take over."

Just have to get a law degree, no biggie. He didn't even sound upset about it.

"Do you even want to be a lawyer? What about what you want?"

Thor seemed to consider that for a moment.

"Honestly, I just want to make a difference," he said. "I want to try to make things better. And this job lets you do that. You get to help people."

And make a ton of money in the process, Loki added to himself.

"Is that all you want?" he asked, certain there had to be more to it.

Thor shrugged.

"My goal is just to be happy, if I can be."

The luxury of the well-off. Still, he was being nice. Better try to get along.

"Pretty good goal. Mine is to take over the world."

Making Thor laugh felt surprisingly good. Or maybe that was just what it was like to talk to someone who didn't see you as just another problem to be solved.


	7. Chapter 7

Bedsheets and towels were just the start of it. But what bedsheets and what towels. Smooth and crisp and thick and fluffy respectively. But that wasn't all. He had all matching plates and side plates and bowls, new glasses that weren't scratched up from years of being rattled around in the sink, shampoo and hand soap that didn't smell like disinfectant.

It was incredible. A firm mattress, a couch whose springs weren't broken. More channels than he'd ever known existed. Actual art prints on the wall in frames, not just pinned up.

But none of it felt like his, not right away. He was definitely staying in someone else's space. He tried, though. He put his clothes in the wardrobe, his few books on some empty shelf space. Eventually, he even got out his blanket, wondering if he should put it over the back of the couch like a throw.

The vacuum bag had left deep creases in it, but he wasn't about to iron it. He tried not to mess with it too much. One of his earliest memories was holding it to his face and trying to inhale some kind of scent, the smell of his mother. But it just smelled of him.

Dark blue, so dark it was almost black, just those initials, LL, picked out in non particularly skilled stitches. White thread. Not the proper embroidery type. More like the stuff you got in those little button fixing kits they sold attached to shirts.

Of course, any smells were long gone from it now. He'd carried it around like a talisman as a toddler, a security object, chewing on one corner when he was unsure and eventually a well-meaning foster mother had snuck into his room at night and stolen it away to be washed and tumble dried.

She'd thought he wouldn't notice, but the next morning he screamed and wailed until he made himself sick. He didn't remember much else about that house. Didn't even remember that woman's name. In retrospect, she'd been trying to do him a kindness, trying to clean all the germs off it before he managed to make himself seriously ill, but the knowledge that the last touch of his mother had been washed away with supermarket brand non-bio detergent still burned a little.

He tried laying it over the couch, but somehow it didn't look right. Too threadbare, too old and battered. And too precious. What if he spilled something on it? No, it was better to keep it in its plastic. Safe and protected.

The name that Odin had said kept coming back to him. Farbauti. His mother. Possibly. Probably?

What kind of person had she been? Why had she left him? Why had they both left him?

The old computer they'd given him was still better and faster than the one in the halfway house. Results flashed in front of his eyes. The obituary for Laufey - lots about how he'd been successful, nothing about his family.

After a lot of trawling around, he found one picture of her. Or at least he thought it was her. It was in the archive of the local paper, the very same one that had announced his discovery to the world. The caption listed Laufey and Odin but not the women with them. He recognised Thor's mother from pictures in their house, though he hadn't actually asked where she was yet. And so the other one must be his mother, right?

Laufey looked like him. Strikingly so. Dark hair, the same nose and lean build. Farbauti... Not so much. She was a redhead, her face patterned with freckles. Were her eyes green like his? It was hard to say. Might those cheeks have been sharp once, before time softened them?

He checked the date. He'd been six when this was taken.

They didn't look like people who had given up a child just six years earlier. So maybe that wasn't Farbauti at all. After all, he didn't have his arm around her or anything like that. She might be an assistant or another business owner. Anything really.

No. That wasn't her. He was sure of it.

Hours later, still no sign. So maybe there was nothing about her out there, or nothing easy to find. Maybe she was an introvert who didn't want to share her husband's spotlight even in the smallest way. It was her right, he supposed.

He'd have to ask Odin, he supposed, though the very idea sat uncomfortably in his stomach. There was something about the way he spoke about her. Like she was just a footnote. It made him wary.

Or maybe he'd spent so long building her up in his mind that it burned to learn that she was just an ordinary woman who'd been desperate and done the only thing she could think of to keep him safe. It just... It still didn't make a lot of sense to him. 

He went to bed. The flat felt too quiet almost, for all he'd thought it would be peaceful. He lay in the dark for what felt like hours, even though he had the breakfast shift to get to. His last breakfast shift, hopefully ever. He'd managed to negotiate his shifts around to cut down his notice time a little.

Nine to five was going to take some getting used to.


	8. Chapter 8

First day of a new job, a Thursday of all days. Loki tried to make an effort. He ironed a long-sleeved t-shirt, tried to make his black jeans looked a little less like jeans and hopefully more like neat trousers. He even tucked his shirt in and wore a belt, even though it felt deeply wrong.

Couldn't compete with Thor though. He knocked on the door at half past eight to give him a lift in, looking like he was fresh from a catwalk. Slate grey tie, actual suit trousers, probably a tailored jacket somewhere about the place.

"Is this... your car?" Loki asked as they headed off. "I figured it was your dad's, but if he's already gone in, then..."

"I inherited it from my mum. Even though I was too young to even start learning to drive at the time."

There was something about the way he blinked after saying it, hard and rapid, that made Loki decide to change the subject quickly.

"So, what do we do all day for our internment?"

"Intern... Ha! I won't lie, it feels like that sometimes. We're the lowest rung and we do whatever people need us to do. We take out the mail, we take out the bins, we file and categorise stuff, we make spreadsheets, we sit in on meetings. Sometimes we'll take the minutes for meetings and write them up afterwards. Sometimes you get sent a bunch of info to put into a presentation. It varies."

General fetchers and carriers, it seemed.

"And is it preparing you for law school?"

Thor shrugged.

"I imagine there will be more reading there. And I'll be able to wear whatever I want, so that's a plus."

"You didn't choose this?"

"No. If it was up to me, we'd all look a bit more relaxed. Be a bit more relaxed. But, no, Dad has to have everyone starched up. Ties are technically optional. I'd much rather wear stuff more like what you've got on."

Ah. He wouldn't get away with looking like this for long, it seemed.

He stuck to Thor like glue all day, learning his way around the building. They had a desk with a computer at each end to share in one of the back rooms, half painted like the tin had run out. It was serviceable. And much better than being in an open-plan space with lots of other people. Heimdall gave him a log in and a post-it note with the door codes to be learned and shredded as soon as he could manage it.

Door codes. He felt like a spy punching them in.

He was never going to learn everyone's names. There were too many. And evidently Odin had kept the news of his arrival quiet as most of them were surprised to see a second intern trailing around after Thor like a particularly tall duckling.

"Got you an assistant already, huh? Must be nice being the boss's son."

And Thor blushed and made sure in pain-staking detail that everyone knew they were doing the same job and that they were equals. It was nice of him. Maybe.

All the same, Loki felt horribly out of place, having to ask about every little thing. He'd never been in this kind of environment before and he was terrified of breaking something.

He was exhausted by lunch time, starving too if his stomach rumbling noisily was anything to go by. Thor politely pretended not to notice as he glanced at his watch, one of those activity tracking ones.

"The sandwiches will be here soon," he said, as if just casually mentioning it.

"You get free sandwiches?"

Talk about perks...

"Oh. No, there's a company who call round and you can buy whatever you want."

Upon inspection, it became clear that these people had evidently never heard of an ordinary sandwich. Where was the plain cheese? The ham? Coronation chicken in a pinch? Why was it all brie and cranberry and pesto and prawns? No one actually liked prawns, did they?

The cheapest one he could get was still over three quid, chicken with peppered mayo on olive bread with three different kinds of salad leaves. It felt like a ridiculous indulgence until Odin dropped in on their surprisingly companionable lunch.

"Loki! Getting on well?"

Trying not to choke on an inhaled crumb, Loki nodded hurriedly.

"Good, good. Glad Thor's helping you out. Showing you the ropes."

He suddenly seemed to look at Loki critically, reaching for his wallet.

"After work, why don't you go out with Thor and get a few shirts, some trousers maybe?" he said, picking out more cash than Loki had ever known one person to carry. "Since it's your first office job and we did rather spring it on you. I expect you've been much too busy for shopping, eh?"

He laid down the money, denominations Loki had never even seen in person before, and bustled off.

The tension fell on the room like snow.

"Sorry," Thor said. "He's quite, you know, abrasive sometimes and..."

"It's fine," Loki lied. "Don't even worry about it."

After all, free clothes.

He ought to be grateful, if he didn't also feel so horribly, horribly inadequate.

He let Thor take him to a far fancier shop than he'd ever been to himself, even though he was sure they could get twice as many shirts for the same price if they went somewhere else.

Nice changing rooms though. Plush. A space for Thor to sit while he slipped behind a curtain to try things on. Big space, triangular mirror for maximum angles, good lighting. And the clothes were nice. There was something about the cut of them, maybe the way the buttons were arranged, but they sat... really well.

For the first time in a long time, Loki saw someone in the mirror who looked like he was going places.

But maybe it was just the lighting fooling him. He needed a second opinion.

Thor looked up as he pulled the damask-effect curtain back and his eyebrows shot skywards.

"Looks good!" he said cheerfully.

"You think so?"

"Yeah. The black really suits you."

It was possible he was just being nice, but Thor seemed a sincere guy. In fact, with how awkwardly they had started off, he was probably downplaying how dropdead gorgeous he looked right now.

"Cool," he said. "I guess I should get a few of these, then. And a couple of the wool-blend trousers? And a tie or two."

Incredibly, it still didn't use up all of the money Odin had given them.

"Anything else you're looking for?" Thor asked. "Pyjamas? Boxers?"

Yeah... Yeah, why not? His junk deserved better than his crappy old supermarket undies.

And it might make the trousers hang even better.

Not that he really cared what anyone else thought about how he looked of course.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I said every other day, but, well...

Somehow, Loki forgot when the DNA results would arrive. A Saturday. Exactly fourteen days after he did the test, coming before Sunday and its lack of post.

He wouldn't have even minded so much if he hadn't been lounging around in the hope of feeling more at home, unshowered and wearing shorts and a gross old t-shirt as pyjamas. Exactly what he didn't want to be wearing with Odin coming into the kitchen, dirty dishes strewn everywhere. There were still clean ones in the cupboard, so why would he wash them?

Despite him hurriedly clearing a space, Odin elected not to sit down, open envelope in hand.

"Good news," he said. "As I suspected, you are Laufey's child and legally heir to his estate."

Loki felt like he was letting out a breath he didn't know he was holding. Two weeks' worth.

"Alright," he said. "Alright, cool. What... What happens now? What do I do?"

"You do absolutely nothing except keep up the good work for now. I'll have the claim written up and submitted along with the DNA evidence. It will likely take several months as it's such a complicated matter. You might have to appear in court briefly to prove your identity, but I'll avoid that if at all possible. Congratulations. You're about to become a very wealthy young man."

It would sink in, eventually, Loki figured. He just had to wait for the shock to wear off.

"Can I see them?" he asked, clearing his throat. "Can I see the results?"

Odin glanced round the room briefly.

"Can't risk them getting stained," he said brightly. "I'll have a photocopy made for you and have Thor bring it over. Maybe you two can celebrate. He's been telling me how funny you are every chance he gets."

The way he said it somehow wasn't complimentary. It was the way you might say a toddler was funny. Like it was more accidental than a matter of intelligence or wit.

He spent a few hours in limbo, watching endless repeats of daytime quiz shows, not even trying to give the answers. He finally knew who he was but only in name. All he wanted was to know who Laufey and Farbauti were. What they were like, really. Anything where he could find a connection and say, "Yeah, I'm like that too, I get that from them. That's in my blood."

Thor showed up mid-afternoon with booze and snacks and a cellophane pocket containing the promised photocopy.

"I got sparkling wine, and then I was worried that you maybe didn't drink sparkling wine, so I got beer and now I'm wondering if you like beer..."

Loki waved him in, strangely glad to have someone to talk to, even if it was just Thor.

"I used to drink whatever was cheapest," he said. "I'm sure it's fine."

Oven-ready pizza as well. This really was a celebration, it seemed. Loki tried to be subtle while Thor set timers as he looked at the printed results sheet, all there in black and white.

 _Parental testing, subject A..._ Blah, blah, blah, blah... _Genetic markers, blood type..._

There wasn't much he could understand really, but there it was in grainy ink. Match. Laufey, you ARE the father.

"Did you ever meet them?" he asked, opening a can and not bothering with a glass. "My parents?"

"I met Laufey a few times," Thor said, settling himself on the couch, seeming right at home. "He and Dad were friends. Ish. Frenemies, you know."

Loki had no idea anyone who wasn't a badly written teenage girl in a sitcom had ever used the word 'frenemies' unironically.

"What was he like?"

"He was, um... Smart. Dedicated to his career. Really... smart."

Oh, dear.

"Are you trying to avoid saying he was an arsehole?"

"No!" Thor said, unconvincingly.

"You can say it. I mean, he abandoned me and made no attempt to contact me my whole life. I kind of think he's an arsehole."

"He'd been through a lot," Thor said, evidently trying to be fair. "He lost his wife very suddenly. I don't think he ever really recovered from that."

His wife. Loki's mother.

"So you never met her?"

A head shake, but he wanted to say what he could. Wanted to be as helpful as possible.

"She died when I was a baby."

And Thor was only a few months older than him. So she'd left him on a hospital doorstep and died soon afterwards and the woman he'd seen in the picture definitely hadn't been her.

A horrible suspicion began to rise in Loki's mind, that maybe she'd died while having him and that was why Laufey left him, because he blamed him for it all, for killing her. And Odin had said she wasn't well. What if she'd done something to herself? Wasn't post-partum psychosis a thing? And if she hadn't got the right support...

He was grateful for the timer beeping, distracting them from their conversation and him from his own thoughts.

Thor had Netflix and graciously said Loki could use his log in whenever and soon they were curled in opposite corners of the sofa, laughing at some ridiculous action nonsense. It was diverting, exactly what he needed, and it was very easy to have a second and third beer and eventually open the wine.

When had he last hung out with someone for fun? He couldn't remember. Most of the foster homes he'd been in had had a mix of permanent and temporary kids and there'd always been a degree of survival of the fittest. Loki had gotten used to trying to stay out of things. Or occasionally performing swift, blunt character assassinations if he could get away with it.

"You know, in my old place, they still had a VHS player in the living room," he said, testing the waters.

"No way!"

"Didn't want to throw out the old classics, I guess."

"Oh, I love old videos. It's just not the same skipping the trailers. You have to learn to time the fast-forwarding."

Ha. Maybe they had stuff in common after all.

An empty bottle later and he was really appreciating Thor's laugh and the way his hair flopped forward around his face and that was clearly a sign that he really ought to go to bed. By himself.

"This was fun," Thor said. "We should do it again some time."

"Yeah. I'll buy the booze though."

The tipsy hug at the door felt a little too nice.

"I'm glad you're finally getting the truth," Thor mumbled.

"Yeah. Yeah, me too."

He just wished it felt as solid as he'd always dreamed it would.


	10. Chapter 10

It wasn't long until spending Saturday night with Thor became a bit of a routine. Taking turns bringing the drink and food, cooking properly when they could be bothered.

Which, of course, meant it wasn't too long before Loki found his thoughts straying to his new friend while tending to his... his physical wants.

He hated himself for it. Thor was his friend and colleague, nothing more. And yet he'd find himself going to bed or lounging on the couch and he'd think about all those small rooms they ended up in together - the copy room maybe - and all the opportunities two young men with healthy sex drives might find there.

But he didn't even want Thor to hit on him! He'd put a stop to that right away and Thor had respected that boundary. And that was a good thing.

Though come to think of it, it wasn't the hitting on he'd objected to so much as the entitlement he'd shown. The way he'd acted like Loki ought to fall at his feet after the tiniest bit of interest.

If they ever did decide they wanted to do stuff - and he didn't, not at all, it was just a thought experiment - he would make Thor work for it. Greedy eyes would get him nothing at all. There would have to be words. Good words. Proper words. Stuff letting Loki know just how desperate he drove him.

Though, of course, when they were actually enjoying one another's company, such thoughts couldn't be further from his mind.

Thor seemed to really appreciate being out of the house, even if it was only going next door. It was odd that he didn't have more opportunities for it, really.

"You don't have to hang out with me," Loki said early on. "If you have other friends you'd rather be with."

"I like hanging out with you," Thor said, using his fingers to pick up the last crumbs of nachos. "And anyway, all my other friends are off at uni."

"No boyfriend? Girlfriend?"

"Nope. Split up with my last one at the end of school. She wanted to go travelling. Didn't want any ties."

"You don't sound too upset about it."

Thor shrugged.

"Sif was great, don't get me wrong. Is great. But, well, we both knew we weren't long term. We were just fucking for something to do most of the time."

Loki felt his whole body jolt at just a word and tried his best not to show it. What was wrong with him? Thank God Thor was watching the screen.

"What about you?" he asked. "No girlfriend?"

"I had a thing with a boy at my second to last foster home. But it was kids' stuff, you know. Kissing and that."

"Oh, so you haven't... You've not..."

"I'm not a virgin," Loki snapped. "It's just that wasn't with an actual boyfriend, that's all. We were talking about boyfriends and girlfriends, not... Not sex."

Alright, so technically it had just been sloppy blow jobs in the bathroom of a gross club before he'd decided going out drinking on his nights off was bad for his head and his wallet, but he didn't want Thor thinking he was some kind of weirdo.

"OK," Thor said, telling him in two letters that that ship had sailed. "I mean, I haven't. Not with a guy. Just with Sif."

"I'm pretty sure she'd say that counted," Loki said, trying to nonchalantly reach for his beer.

"Oh, me too. Just didn't want you thinking I'm some kind of... I don't know... Doesn't matter."

"What doesn't matter?"

"Sex. I mean, you don't have to rush into all that stuff."

How had this conversation gone this downhill this quickly?

"I really don't need the talk, thanks. I grew up surrounded by professional talk givers."

All those social workers and home managers and child psychologists meetings about Your Body Your Rules were enough to put anyone off.

Thor held up his hands placatingly, moving from his seat on the floor up onto the couch.

"What's it like?" he asked. "Being with a guy?"

Uh...

"What's it like being with a woman?" Loki countered.

"Pretty great. Might just have been Sif though. We're good enough friends that she never had a problem giving me critique, telling me exactly what she wanted. Communication is really important I think, before, during and after."

Hmm. Loki tried to think if there'd been any communication as such when he'd...

Well, he'd known what was going to happen from the making out and the hand tugging him towards the bathroom and the further making out and then the hands pushing on the top of his head.

That was a kind of communication. Ish. Unspoken communication.

"Mm. I agree. Makes everything better."

He did think that, to be fair. Even if it wasn't from personal experience.

"And I think it's better to be friends first," Thor said.

"I wouldn't know."

He let Thor think he meant he was talking exclusively about relationships and not about the fact that he'd never really had such a close friend before.


	11. Chapter 11

The first three months passed in a whirlwind, simultaneously feeling like they'd lasted for ever and gone in the blink of an eye. His time working the grill felt as distant as being seven years old. Almost like it had happened to a completely different person.

People knew him around the office. They spoke to him by name. They asked how his weekend had been and made small talk, everyone from the junior assistants to the people second only to Odin. They were nice. Or polite. Or both.

Heimdall still put him on edge though. Watching as he arrived in the morning. Watching as he left. In paranoid moments, Loki wondered if Odin had told him to spy, to make sure that the little cash cow wasn't up to anything. Definitely not going to another firm for a bigger cut of his inheritance.

As for Odin himself, he mostly didn't seem too bothered what they got up to. It was very rare that he sent work down to them. Probably the information was much too sensitive. Not for the eyes of the interns.

It made Loki itch a little though. He wanted to know how the case was going. Was there progress? Not because he wanted the money right away, but, well, just to have it over with. Stop the uncertainty hanging over him.

And he still wanted to know more about Laufey and Farbauti. Thor was only of limited help and it wasn't exactly something he felt comfortable asking just anyone about.

He tried to placate himself with what he found online. Laufey was some kind of hedge fund manager, an investment guy.

But he seemed to have been quite private. There really wasn't much out there about him, almost nothing at all about his family. It seemed he'd also studied law and it wasn't too far to suppose that he and Odin had met at university and had been friends ever since.

Or... what had Thor said? Frenemies? Friends because they'd known one another so long. Enemies for... For some other reason.

Again, it wasn't like he could just ask.

But Odin had known there was a long-lost child, which no one else had. How had he known that? Was it in Laufey's will or something?

It was that thought which made him want to look. He knew the codes for looking things up, he knew where all the records were held. He could just have a little peek at Laufey's will, right?

He had to be subtle about it. He doubted Thor was deliberately keeping an eye on him, but he was always around. Loki had to wait until he had gone to the bathroom before he felt comfortable even searching the database.

Laufeyson, Laufey... Click, click, click...

Access denied. Fuck. And IT could probably see he'd tried to access it too.

Still, he could see a little bit of info on the file at least. Created by OB - well, that was Odin Borsson. Made sense. And he had done four out of the last five edits of it as well.

The other one was done by someone listed as BV. BV? He couldn't think of anyone he'd met with a name starting with B. Or a surname starting with V.

He'd gone in with one question he couldn't casually throw into conversation and come out with another one.

Whenever he had a moment, he typed in names beginning with B to the staff lists. Bernard. Bill. Beatrice. None of them came back with anyone.

Who are you, BV? What did you change? And why wasn't it Odin? He seemed to have been fairly intensely involved... So had the change been made behind his back? Maybe something Laufey wanted to keep secret from his old friend?

But what?!

He tried his best to hide his stormy mood, but seriously. Was it not bad enough that he'd been abandoned? Did they have to keep everything secret from him too?

And if it was in the will... Then why did no one bother to look for him before?


	12. Chapter 12

Eventually, Loki gave up on searching for individual names and just scrolled through all the current staff. He was on there. So was Thor. But no one with BV. A few B's. A few V's. Not both.

So whoever they were, they weren't around in the firm anymore. Someone who'd left, but who had been very high up at one point if they were editing the Laufeyson file, presumably.

"What's the turnover like in this place?" he asked Thor nonchalantly over lunch.

"Hmm?"

"You're going to take over eventually. I just wondered how often you're planning to be hiring and firing. You know, whether you want to keep up whatever routine your dad has."

"Oh, uh... I think he tries to keep people around by being fair. Rewarding good work, offering support, that kind of thing. He's a tough boss, but a good one I think. I mean, I can only really remember... one guy getting sacked ever."

"Who was that? What did he do?"

"I'm not sure, really. I think his name was... Eric, maybe? I was only about nine when it happened, to be fair. I remember Dad talking about it at home."

Eric. Nope. Not the droid he was looking for.

"People must leave, though. Pursue other... projects. Maybe their partner gets a job somewhere else and they have to leave."

Thor chuckled, looking up from the article he was reading on his phone.

"Why are you so interested in this?" he asked.

Loki hesitated. His immediate instinct was to lie, to try to cover things up. But he wasn't getting anywhere like this. And Thor was nice. Thor was his friend, right?

He was also Odin's kid...

Hmm...

"Can I trust you?"

And now Thor was looking at him very seriously.

"I mean... You're not doing anything illegal, are you?"

"No! Or... No."

"Then what is it?"

Deep breath. Big eyes. Vulnerable and needy. Lay it on thick.

"I just want to know about my dad, so I tried to look him up on the system to read his will and there's one set of initials in the edit history that I don't recognise and so I think that person might... Might know something about what went through his mind. Might know why I was abandoned. But I don't think they work here anymore."

Was it a victory to see Thor's whole face become that distraught? After all, he hadn't lied.

"I could talk to Dad about it?"

"No," Loki said, not really sure why he didn't want Odin to know. "No, I'd rather not bother him. I want to find it out... independently, you know?"

Thor still seemed a little troubled, but on the other hand, he was looking very pitying and Loki would probably put up with that indignity if it meant getting somewhere.

"What were the initials?" Thor asked.

"BV. I can't find anyone with them though."

"Have you checked in the archived lists?"

No. He hadn't even been aware that there was such a thing, let alone that he could look at them.

He moved round to look over Thor's shoulder as he loaded them up and started looking, skipping down to the V's. There would be fewer of them, probably.

"Ah..." he said eventually. "Right. Found one. Left the company fourteen years ago."

He pointed it out as Loki scrambled for a piece of paper to write it down.

Valkyrie, Brunhilde.

"Do you remember her?" he asked.

"Not personally. I was only four at the time, I mean... Maybe? There was a Hilde that Dad mentioned a few times, saying he'd heard she was doing well. Could be her."

"Why'd she leave?"

A shrug. Sometimes Loki wondered if Thor wasn't almost as clueless as him. Kept almost as far away from the truth.

It made him like him even more. The two of them as a team against the world. Seeking out the facts no matter how many people tried to hide them.

"Thanks," he said awkwardly. "I'll try to track her down."

Thor reached for his hand instinctively where it lay on the desk, giving it a light squeeze.

"No problem. Let me know if you need any... help or anything."

Loki let his hand rest there for a few moments before flipping his own over and squeezing back.


	13. Chapter 13

At home, under cover of personal internet - he was pretty sure Odin wouldn't bother checking up on what he was looking at anyway, but it made him more comfortable all the same - he searched for Brunhilde Valkyrie. A lawyer, that's who he was looking for.

He found a former one.

_Brunhilde Valkyrie left her career in family law after developing alcohol dependancy. Over eight years into her recovery journey, she now runs the Valkyrie Centre, a not-for-profit residential programme specialising in rehabilitation for women with alcohol or substance abuse problems._

_With three dedicated locations, we offer places for single women and safe housing for families. We can also help with career advice or housing problems. Call our dedicated support team 24/7._

_Donate, Advice For Loved Ones, Our Motto..._

Well, she seemed very worthy. And she looked very professional in her photo, braided hair pulled back in a high ponytail, lilac shirt, an expression that radiated kindness and strength. Loki wondered about that drinking problem though. Maybe Odin had sacked her for it. Or maybe she'd gone of her own accord.

Either way, she was his best - and perhaps only - lead on his parents.

He searched around the website in the hopes of finding a number that wasn't for the support line, but he couldn't find one. And it said it was 24 hours, seven days...

What did he have to lose?

The line rang twice before being answered. Quick.

"Valkyrie Centre. How can I help?"

A soft, friendly voice. Comforting. Gentle.

"Hi. I, um... I need to speak to Ms Valkyrie?"

A beat. And then the soft voice again.

"Well, unfortunately she can't handle calls personally. I can give you advice though. No matter how hopeless it seems, there is always a route back. The first step is the hardest but also the bravest."

What?

"Do I sound like a woman?" he snapped.

"Voices can be deceiving. We try not to make assumptions. Or you might be calling on behalf of a loved one."

Loki pinched the bridge of his nose.

"I need to speak to Ms Valkyrie about a personal matter."

"I'm sorry, we don't..."

"Please! Please, just write down my number. Email it to her and say it's to do with Laufey Laufeyson. She'll understand. Please. It's a matter of life and death."

Alright, maybe that was a little bit overdramatic, but, well... He needed to get a charity call centre worker, possibly a volunteer, to help him. Tugging on heartstrings was just a tool in his arsenal.

"Please," he said, letting his voice crack a little. "Please, just make sure she knows I called and give her my number. I'll leave it up to her if she wants to get in touch. And I'll donate fif... A hundred pounds, right now. You can take my card details and do it over the phone."

Another pause and then a sigh and the sound of typing.

"That won't be necessary. If you wish to donate, you can do so in private. I'm sending her an email, but I can make no promises. She's very busy."

The relief almost spilled out of his chest.

"Thank you," he said, clicking the donate button on their website. "One hundred pounds, right now. Thank you so much."

"I hope it works out. Whatever it is."

It felt weird to be able to afford to just give away money - especially that much money - just like that, but in return for knowing a little bit of the truth? Well, that was priceless. It was easily worth the hit to his bank balance.

And then he had to play the waiting game. Let's see... It was the evening now. Say she worked standard business hours. She wouldn't see the email until the morning at nine at the earliest. So his best bet was probably to go to sleep and make time go faster that way.

Right. OK. Turn off electronics. Maybe put on some comforting noise like the ocean or rainfall. Go to sleep.

He did none of those things, lying awake instead imagining a million different scenarios ranging between all his questions being answered at once and not even getting a response ever.

Sleep. Sleep. Sleep. He counted sheep up to a hundred and nothing. He tried repeating the word "the" in his head over and over, which was normally guaranteed to make him drop off, forcing his thoughts to stop racing. Still nothing. Too tense.

Desperate times called for desperate measures, he figured, reaching beneath the waistband of his boxers. Something quick, just to help him relax enough to get to sleep.

His mind wandered a little, seeking a suitable fantasy. Something removed from reality, perhaps. Something outlandish.

He tried not to think of Thor, but it was a losing battle. And this was just a means to an end, right? Couldn't hurt...

Mmm... Thor picking him up by the hips and putting him on the desk - he was probably strong enough to do it, easily. Kicking his knees apart without a thought and stepping between them, hands on his thighs and lips against his throat.

 _"I've wanted you since the second I saw you,"_ he growled in Loki's ear. _"You're so hot. I need..."_

_"Then get on your knees and show me."_

In his mind's eye, Thor did just that. He dropped instantly, gazing up at him in wonderment, licking his lips as he reached for Loki's fly.

Loki ran a thumb over the head of his cock and wished he could pretend it was Thor's lips, his tongue, tasting him.

Masturbation didn't feel like a blow job, but he could still imagine the sounds, the way Thor would hum happily, trying to make him feel good, hoping he was doing well. And Loki imagined himself bucking off the desk, tangling his fingers in blonde hair, leaving it all messed up and trying not to cry out when he finally came.

Couldn't let the boss hear them after all...

A quick wipe with some tissue and at least perhaps he felt more ready for sleep.

And if nothing else, at least he'd given himself something different to worry about.

Fantasising about Thor was getting to be a real problem.


	14. Chapter 14

"Are you feeling alright?"

Thor's voice jolted Loki back from staring at the blinking cursor in his spreadsheet, trying to remember what he was supposed to be typing in that cell.

"Huh?"

"You seem a little... I don't know. Distracted or tired maybe?"

Yeah. Both, really.

"I'm waiting on a call," he said. "Maybe. I don't know if they're going to."

"Shame. They must be an idiot."

Loki blinked a few times himself, trying to work out why they were having parallel conversations.

"What? What are you talking about?"

"This... person not calling to ask you out."

Ah... Flattering, but wrong.

"That's... Um... No, not that kind of call. I mean, it's personal, but not that kind of personal. It's about my dad actually."

"Oh... OK."

No follow-up question seemed to be forthcoming, even though Thor looked to be almost vibrating with curiosity. So polite. So keen not to impose.

And therefore it was fun not to tell him. To play the waiting game. Throw another question into the mix.

"Why did you assume it was a date call?"

"Because... Well, because... Because you're not seeing anyone and so I figured maybe you'd met someone and you weren't sure about them so you hadn't mentioned anything yet, but you were still maybe a little disappointed that they hadn't got in touch all the same and that's why you weren't quite yourself today."

Jeez. All that from 'waiting for a call'?

"You think I'd tell you if I met someone?"

"Sure. We're friends."

Friends. Friendly friends. Friends who definitely didn't think about compromising situations featuring one another.

God, why had he told Thor not to hit on him? He could really do with the distraction. The clock was mocking him, every hour that passed.

10am - possible Ms Valkyrie hadn't got to her emails yet. 11am - maybe she'd had a meeting or a conference call or something. 12 noon - surely by now she'd have seen it?

Maybe the woman on the phone had lied and didn't send his details on at all.

When his phone did finally buzz across the desk at half past two, he almost jumped out of his skin. Unknown number. That made sense.

If it wasn't her, he might just die on the spot.

"Hello?" he answered, trying to sound confident.

"OK," a brisk woman's voice on the other end said. "Who are you and what do you know about Laufey Laufeyson and who told you it?"

Loki glanced at Thor, who was studiously pretending he couldn't hear any of this.

"I'm his son. And I was going to ask you the very same questions."

There was a pause and a sound he eventually identified as the crunching of salad leaves.

"Who told you about the baby?" she asked.

"I just told you, I am the baby! I have DNA evidence to prove it. Odin Borsson had it done for me."

"You sound very sure of this."

"I'm certain. But I know almost nothing else and you're the only lead I have who knows anything at all about my father and if we could just... meet and talk then..."

"I can't help you. I don't know anything about him."

No, no, no...

"Please. You met him, right? You must know something about him. Even if it's not very much, you can tell me what he was like. Please."

Another pause and then a sigh.

"Odin's not telling you anything, huh? That figures. But really, I can't give you any insights. I barely remember anything about that time and if you've read up on me, you know why."

Loki turned away from the desk, lowering his voice.

"You made an edit to his will," he said. "You were there, you met my dad. I just want to talk to someone who knew him, however little."

A sigh. Some taps of a keyboard.

"If Odin has you, I assume you're working weekdays, nine to five? I can meet you... Hmm... Next Thursday night. Seven. But you'll have to come to me, I'm afraid. They took my licence away a long time ago and I never bothered getting it back."

"Where?"

He noted down the address, thanking her profusely and searching for it as soon as he'd hung up.

"Ah, fuck..."

"What is it?" Thor asked mildly.

"I agreed to meet her, but it'll take me three hours to walk and I can't find a bus stop nearby..."

"I'll drive you."

He said it so easily Loki was slightly taken aback.

"You'll drive me to the meeting I'm having behind your dad's back?"

"You're looking for answers to stuff and you deserve to know them. I'd want to know, if I was you, if I had some deep dark family secret. I'll take a book, wait in the car for you. It's fine. Don't worry about it."

"And what will you tell your dad?"

A little smile, a half shrug.

"In the unlikely event that he asks, I'll say we went to the cinema or something."

"Uh-huh. And which film did we see? When did it start? Where's your ticket stub?"

Rapid blinking. Apparently Thor was not nearly as paranoid as he was.

"Um..." he said. "OK, alright, we went shopping. For watch batteries. And they didn't have the right kind."

"I don't have a watch."

"Well, there we go. You're thinking of getting one so we went to have a look, but none of them appealed yet."

Hm. Possibly plausible. He'd have to start reading up on watches, though that was OK.

He was going to need some distracting after all.

"Hey," he said after a few moments, when it suddenly occurred to him. "Thanks."

Thor smiled at him.

"Don't worry about it. Come on. Let's get these rotas printed."

What luxury, to be able to concentrate on anything other than how far away next Thursday was.

And what revelations he might learn from Ms Valkyrie.


	15. Chapter 15

The week crawled by, and yet Loki felt his nerves growing increasingly shredded as Thursday approached. On the day itself, he chewed all his pen lids beyond repair, tore little pieces off anything in his hands without noticing and kept sighing without quite knowing why.

Eventually, it was five o'clock, which meant waiting only two more hours, which meant only one and a half hours before they'd be setting off, which meant...

"Do you want to grab some dinner before we go?" Thor asked, starting his car up to go home. "Or change or something?"

"What's wrong with what I'm wearing?"

"Nothing. I just figured you might want to freshen up or whatever."

Hmm. Yes, good idea. A nice shower. Let his hair dry into waves, try to be soft-looking and vulnerable and get a nice lady to spill all the details.

Thor made him a sandwich while he was getting dressed, but he felt almost too dazed to actually eat it. It vanished though, so he must have.

"You feeling OK?"

"Mm."

"Alright."

Despite it all, he was glad Thor was there with him. It was good to have someone looking out for him, trying to make conversation, singing along with the radio. The sound made it easier to hide from his own thoughts and fears.

Ms Valkyrie had asked him to meet her at her office, which was evidently in her main residential centre. It loomed on the landscape suddenly, a modern building complex with swooping lines and smooth transitions, deliberately isolated, a single windmill presumably providing its power. It seemed friendly though. Like an exclusive retreat.

And it had security. Electric entryway, tannoy system.

"Valkyrie Centre."

"We have an appointment," Thor said, shrugging at Loki as if to say he wasn't sure what else to say.

It must have been enough as there was a faint buzzing sound and the gates slowly eased open.

"OK," Thor said with evident forced cheer. "I'll just be hanging out here. Take as long as you need. Hope she can answer some of your questions."

Loki nodded distractedly, barely hearing him, scrabbling at the door handle the second they parked and power walking across to the main entrance.

He expected it to smell like a hospital, but it didn't. It smelled of... incense, flowers, fruit maybe. Nice. Calming. Like expensive candles.

The receptionist eyed him with moderate confusion but perfect professionalism.

"You said you had an appointment?"

"Yes. At seven. With Ms Valkyrie."

And now she looked up more alertly.

"Ah. Of course. Walk to the end of the corridor and take the door on the left. She's expecting you."

He expected a large office, but found something closer to a broom cupboard, and despite the picture on her website, Ms Valkyrie looked very normal and casual. T-shirt, jeans, braids half-falling out of the bun she'd scraped them into, piles of paper in front of her. She had a full schedule, that much was obvious.

Her eyebrows shot up when he entered.

"Wow," she said, blinking. "I was a bit sceptical, but fair enough. You really look like Laufey. No wonder Odin's convinced."

There was a rickety office chair facing her and Loki perched himself on it as best he could. He felt like one wrong step would cause some kind of paper avalanche.

"I don't want to take up too much of your time," he said carefully. "You're clearly very busy."

She sighed lightly, resting her chin on her hand.

"You're asking me to remember a very bad time in my life," she said. "And that is hard for me."

"What did you change in my father's will?" Loki asked, more blatant than he'd meant to be. "And why did you do it behind Odin's back? What didn't he want him to know? And how do you know I exist? No-one knows I exist!"

Her eyes glistened a little, a heavy blink getting rid of the tears. He wasn't sure who they were for.

"I didn't change anything in the will. Mr Laufeyson was not my client. I only really knew him by sight."

"But you did," Loki protested. "Your initials are on the edit, you're the one who put it through."

"I... Look, kid, I was sacked and the reason I was sacked was because I had developed a severe alcohol problem which affected every moment of my life from waking up in the morning to passing out at night. I was forgetting things. I was breaking confidentiality laws. I couldn't be trusted. But I was trying to hide it as best I could. And then one day, Odin summoned me to his office and demanded how and why I had forged Laufey's signature to alter his will and on whose authority. I hadn't done any such thing. Like I said, I was forgetting things. I'd started putting my log in details on a post-it note on my desk. And someone borrowed it."

Well, that just threw out even more questions.

"Did he know? Laufey, did he know it had been changed?"

"Of course. It was his signature, his real one. Apparently he didn't want Odin to find out what he was doing and tried to sneak it in under the radar. I got curious, though. Looked at the change for myself before my tech accounts were disabled. I wanted to see what I'd been thrown under the bus for."

"And?"

"And, essentially, it just said that you exist. It said that in the event of Laufey's death, his money was to go to his child, who was in care, or be put into a trust fund until that child's 18th birthday. He even specified the year that would occur. And that's pretty much all I can tell you. I left and the shock turned out to be just what I needed to get help and start rebuilding my life. But I'm sorry, I didn't know Laufey. I hadn't even known he had kids. Must have kept it quiet cos no one did, as far as I know."

Except Odin. And whoever had stolen her log in to cover their tracks.

"Why would he try so hard to hide that?" Loki asked. "I mean, it's a private matter anyway. Odin would be bound by the rules not to tell anyone. He couldn't put it out there. He wouldn't. And besides, if he wanted to hide the truth, why would he put it on Odin's system anyway?"

Valkyrie tilted her head to the side, frowning lightly.

"Which truth are you talking about?"

Was there more than one? Which one was she talking about?

"That... That I was born and for some reason Laufey and Farbauti abandoned me at the hospital."

And now she was really confused, shaking her head. Maybe she had misremembered something along the way.

"I don't think Farbauti had anything to do with it."

Anger flared in his chest, crossing his arms as if that would stop it coming out.

"And how would you know? I thought you didn't know them."

"I didn't. But... Well, she was dead. If you're eighteen years old now then she died the year before you were born."

Loki's entire stomach dropped.


	16. Chapter 16

"No," Loki said, hearing his voice strain. "No, that's not true. She is my mother. She has to be. You must have made a mistake."

Ms Valkyrie looked so pitying. He could feel his cheeks burning, embarrassed at not knowing, mortified to be potentially wrong about something so important. But that couldn't be right. Thor had said...

Yes, Thor had said he'd been a baby when she died. And he must have been told that by someone else. He didn't actually know. He couldn't remember her.

"I'm sorry. It must be shocks upon shocks for you. I promise you, Farbauti died about six months before Thor was born. I don't know the details. I didn't ask. I don't know if she was ill or if there was an accident or what, just that it was sudden and that Odin was deeply affected by it. They'd been friends for decades, all of them, Laufey and him and Farbauti and Frigga. I helped to handle the execution of her will. Laufey changed his five years later."

Four years old. He'd been four when Laufey decided to provide for him. Why not come for him then, if he was having second thoughts? Could they not find him? And why try to hide it from Odin? Wouldn't he have helped if they were friends? Did he know, after all? Had he known then where they'd left him and about the blanket, all the little details? Why lie about that? And, of course, there was still a huge, heavy, gaping hole in the story.

"Then who is my mother?" Loki croaked. "If it can't be Farbauti then who?"

"I don't know."

It was maddening. He was ready to tear his hair out, ready to scream. Odin knew, didn't he? He'd said she was ill. But that could be yet another lie or half-truth and that meant he couldn't trust anything he said.

Who could he trust? _What_ could he trust?

"Can't you give me anything? Who was hanging around? Who might it be? Anything?"

She hesitated for a long time, suddenly standing up and going to the window. Or what might be a window. It was hard to tell. It evidently hadn't been cleaned for a long, long time.

"If Odin hasn't mentioned it, then it can't be who I suspected when I first found out about you," she said.

How convoluted. What the hell was going on?

"Odin has been conveniently not mentioning a lot of things," Loki pointed out.

Valkyrie let out a sad little laugh, more of a sigh.

"I thought it might be Hela," she said. "I know she would have been young, but, well, there's younger mothers out there. But I guess you'd already know, if that was the case."

Loki was all at sea. He'd built Farbauti up so much in his mind, this woman who had been ill - whether that was neurological or physical or both - and who had left her child in a safe place, whatever her reason. And now he was being told the name of yet another stranger.

"Who the fuck is Hela?" he asked.

Valkyrie spun on her heels, eyes wide.

"What do you mean? You've not...? You don't know?"

"I've never even heard of her."

The change in atmosphere was immediate. Valkyrie came back to the desk, resting her knuckles on it, staring at the cluttered surface, jaw very tight.

"I'm actually not sure I should be talking to you about this," she said after a few moments. "Any of it. I'm probably breaking some confidentiality agreements, non-disclosure, court injunctions maybe. I don't know the full legalities so it would be unwise to... Look, I'm sorry, but it's not just me I'm thinking about. I have people relying on me. I can't afford a lawsuit."

She was scared. But why? Why didn't she want to talk suddenly? Who was Hela?

"Then what should I do?" Loki asked. "How am I supposed to find out who I am?"

She looked at him, a steely gaze.

"First of all, you must promise me not to do anything reckless. I know that expression. The face that says fuck it and just wants the whole world to collapse and take you with it. I used to see that face in the mirror every day and it led me to a dark, cold pit. I spend my life trying to help other people out of it now. Other than that, you'll just have to be patient."

Loki couldn't help being sullen, six foot of teenage fury.

"Why should I? No one wants to help me. No one gives a shit about me and they never have."

She looked heart-broken for him, at least. He thought she genuinely cared. Which made him feel a little bit bad for lumping her in with that never ending parade of unhelpful adults in his life.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I'd just be giving you rumours."

It was all he had to go on. Rumours and lies and secrets and him in the middle, abandoned. Pushed away. Out of sight, out of mind.

For some reason, he didn't want her to see him cry, getting up hurriedly and mumbling thanks, half running out of the building and back to the car.

Thor looked up from his book, eyebrows raised and face falling as Loki threw the door open and hurled himself into the passenger seat.

"You OK?" he asked.

"No," Loki sobbed, knowing he couldn't hold back the tears, feeling them fall, then feeling Thor's hands on him, stroking his hair, trying to soothe him.

It felt nice. Too nice.

Don't do anything reckless, she'd said. Meaning booze. Maybe drugs.

Well... Fuck it.

He lunged for Thor's lips, clumsy and too forceful, getting a surprised grunt.

But then Thor was kissing him back despite the awkward angle.

Loki didn't want to stop, but he could fix the discomfort at least, managing to crawl forward until he could straddle Thor's thighs, their kiss tasting of salt, clinging hard to his shoulders as Thor reflexively squeezed his hips.

It was dizzying, powerful, and Loki wanted to scream when Thor suddenly pulled back, telling him to stop in a hoarse voice.

"We can't," he said, breath tickling Loki's lips. "We work together, we can't..."

"Please. I just need to feel... something that isn't this. It doesn't have to mean anything."

His pleas must have worked, Thor's eyes so blue where he gazed at him, still resting his hands on his skin, the heat of them clear through his clothes.

"Not here," he said. "Somewhere more private."

Grudingly, Loki supposed he was right, flopping back into the passenger seat and putting his seat belt on.

The drive to a lay-by half a mile away seemed almost interminable.


	17. Chapter 17

Thor stopped the car, pulling the hand brake on with a jerk, but stopped Loki reaching for him.

"Listen, Loki, I really like you," he said. "And if you want this, then I want it too, but I need to know you're not... You know. Going to regret it afterwards. I don't want to make things weird between us."

Stupid honourable Thor!

"I want this. And it won't be weird. I'm not asking for a relationship if that's what you're worried about."

He wasn't. He was just a ball of rolling emotions, pain and fear and worry and loss, and the only vaguely positive thing he could muster was desire. He wasn't ready to start asking questions yet. He wanted not to have to think. And he needed help with that.

Thor looked at him, nodding vaguely.

"Alright," he said, taking off his seat belt. "OK. Let's hope we don't get caught."

Loki scrambled back across, back into Thor's lap, tugging his hair out of its tie so he could run his fingers through it, almost aggressive in his pursuit of more kisses. He couldn't resist the feeling of care, and equally of doing something forbidden. He'd always liked bending the rules after all.

Thor's breath was hard and hot against his face, hands so strong as they ran up his thighs and back, even straying under his shirt, making him shiver for all they were warm.

Loki did startle a little when he undid the button on his trousers though.

"What are you doing?" he panted.

"Sorry," Thor said, equally breathless. "I thought this was what you wanted."

"What? What are you going to do?"

Was that a blush on his face? A shade of pink decidedly deepening? And was that bashfulness or what?

"I was going to wank you off, if that's OK."

Might not be the most elegant of offers, but Loki felt a deep lust curl within him, suddenly wanting nothing more than to feel Thor's skin against his.

"Yeah," he said. "Yeah, I want that."

"There should be tissues in the door pocket."

It was rather less passionate than his fantasies - to be fair, he'd hardly been being realistic with those - but Thor kissed him softly as he undid his fly, taking his cock in his hand with only minor difficulty shifting his underwear, humming lightly like he was impressed or at least not entirely uninterested. A little reassurance was always nice.

Loki rested his head against Thor's shoulder, gasping as he watched his hand close around his length properly, giving a couple of experimental strokes.

"Tell me if I'm doing it wrong. I'm not used to this angle."

"No, s'good. Feels good."

It was the contrast that fascinated him more than anything, the flushed pink of his skin and the pale bronze of Thor's, moaning at a light squeeze and feeling his chest heave as Thor began to move his hand with more purpose.

"Are you watching?" Thor murmured against his ear. "Are you seeing what I'm doing to you? God, those twitches..."

Loki couldn't help it. His hips, his hands kept jolting, the unfamiliar sensation of being touched by someone else - sober, at least - feeling like electricity on his skin.

"I bet you make the best sounds when you come," Thor whispered and that was about all Loki could stand.

He let out a thoroughly embarrassing yelp, his breath fast and desperate, coming all over Thor's hand far too quickly. Mortifyingly quickly.

Thor stroked his hair with his clean hand, pressing soft kisses to his temple, before grabbing a tissue to wipe everything down.

He gave Loki a little smile as he flopped sideways into his own seat.

"What about you?" Loki asked, trying to get his voice back to normal as he got back into his clothes. "I should do you."

"Another time," Thor said, leaning across to kiss him again.

He waited until they were driving again before asking anything.

"So, what did she tell you that was so upsetting? You don't have to tell me, but..."

Loki sighed. Not even the remaining warmth of getting off could completely hold back his worries. It was helping a bit though. And maybe talking would help too.

"She told me that Farbauti died the year before I was born and so she can't be my mother. And she only has suspicions about who it is, no certainty. And she knows nothing else and she's scared of your dad finding out in case he sues. It's just... hard, you know. I thought I finally knew who I was and now I find out that I was wrong. Again."

"Shouldn't be hard to check when she died," Thor said. "We can fact check that. Who does she think your mum is, or didn't she say?"

"Someone called Hela. She didn't even give me a surname. Don't suppose you know who that is."

Blank look and a shrug from Thor.

"I'm afraid not," he said. "So that's not particularly helpful."

No. No, it really wasn't.


	18. Chapter 18

Despite what he'd said to Thor, once they'd said goodbye at his door with an awkward glance towards the house as though Odin might be watching and somehow know what they'd been up to, Loki couldn't shake the feeling that everything was going to get weird after all. He'd just needed a little comfort and he'd made it all weird and now Thor was going to hate him, evidently.

He tried to look at watches online, just in case there were follow-up questions, but his mind wasn't really on it. His mind was on Farbauti and Laufey and Hela.

Valkyrie said she was young and that had all sorts of alarm bells ringing in his head. How young was young? Eighteen? Sixteen? Younger?

Down the years, he'd often wondered if his mother had been very young. It would have been a good reason to leave him. Too young, couldn't cope, couldn't bear the stigma of being a teenage mother, single or otherwise.

He could do without wondering if Laufey had abused her though. That was not something you wanted to wonder about.

What would he do if that was the case? Inheriting and knowing that his money came from a man who might have... Might have...

It didn't bear thinking about.

Maybe that was why Odin lied. Just wanted to spare him the pain of this, maybe tell him about it all later, when he was older. But, of course, he had to go looking. Couldn't just leave well enough alone. Typical.

And now he couldn't stop thinking about it.

Hela was someone Valkyrie had known and expected him to know too. So someone connected to the business somehow? Or at least the family. Though the name clearly meant nothing to Thor either.

He had a horrible nightmare where he met his mother and she screamed at his very approach, protesting that she didn't want him, had never wanted him.

And then in the morning, he had to face Thor and the surely cavernous pit of weird that would have grown between them during the night.

He took a lot of time getting dressed. Didn't want to seem like he was trying too hard, but at the same time, he didn't want to look too gross... Hair up or down? Back or normal?

"Hey," Thor said when he opened the door, smiling as usual. Like everything was the same as usual.

But then he leant forward and Loki leant back and then Thor said sorry at the same time that Loki said wait and bloody hell...

"Look, I just don't want to make this weird," Loki said, as if repetition hadn't completely dulled any sense the word might once have had. "I think we should put a name on this first. Because it's not a relationship."

He wanted to make that very clear.

"OK," Thor said. "That's fine. What do you want to call it?"

"I don't know!"

"Well, what kind of things do you want out of it?"

Loki hesitated before pressing a brief kiss to his lips and heading for the car.

"Right," Thor said, pulling his door closed, lock clicking into place. "So yes to kisses? I vote yes, if that helps."

He was trying to keep things light and Loki was not having it.

"Well, obviously yes to kisses," he snapped.

"Good. I like kissing you."

Ugh, he was not going to blush at that.

"Everything else... we should just see where we go. But casual. And not at work."

"OK. That works for me. So, like, friends with benefits type thing. Fuck buddies."

God, it was embarrassing how much he liked hearing Thor say that word. Now was not the time to wonder how he'd sound saying it all hot and breathless in his ear.

"Yes. That kind of thing."

Silence fell between for most of the way to work, breakfast radio chatting away happily to at least keep it from being completely crushing. Thor didn't seem awkward though. Loki felt like he was going to burst.

Concentrate on work. You're being paid for this.

Don't look at Thor and definitely don't think of what possibilities the weekend might hold.

At lunch, he figured he'd try his luck, but the database wouldn't let him search for Hela. It demanded at least a surname. Really he was just as lost as ever. More so, even. Now he didn't even have the vaguest idea of who his mother was. He didn't know if she'd ever been married, or if she had other kids out there. Brothers and sisters he'd never known about.

He checked Farbauti in the hopes of confirming when she died. Or tried to. She wouldn't come up either for some reason.

"Maybe it's because her file is closed," Thor suggested when he asked about it.

"Maybe. It would be nice to know for sure that Ms Valkyrie wasn't mistaken though."

After all, she might be. He didn't know. Maybe he was worrying over nothing. Maybe Farbauti was his mother after all. And she'd been very ill, dying, and so they'd left him.

The timelines didn't match at all. That would make him older than Thor, if she was right about that. And that certainly wasn't true. You didn't mistake a one-year-old for a newborn.

He was running in circles. Either she was wrong about all of it or right about all of it. Except for the identity of his mother who could still be anyone really.

Odin dropped by unexpectedly during the afternoon and Loki felt like the guilt had to be written all over his face. The fact that he was trying to find stuff out behind Odin's back. The fact that he didn't trust him.

The fact that he was probably going to have sex with his son, sooner or later. Oh, God.

"Thor said you're looking for a watch," he said. "I wondered if you'd found one you liked."

"Um... No, not yet. Shopping around."

"Very wise. Let me know, though."

Loki got the distinct impression that he wanted to buy a watch for him. For some reason.

"Is my case... progressing?" he asked carefully, trying not to sound too eager.

"Slowly but surely. You're not named in the will, obviously, so that's slowing things down."

That made sense, right?

"Can I see it? The will, I mean. I'd like to see what my father wrote about me."

Odin hesitated.

"Are you sure you want to?"

Cold ran down Loki's spine.

"Is it bad?"

"You might find it upsetting."

Well, now he had to know. Now he had to see it.

He followed Odin down the stairs to his office, getting the will out from a safe in the wall - disappointingly not held behind a painting.

"It's the third paragraph," Odin said putting the first page of it in front of him, speaking more softly than he normally did.

Lots of legal talk, naming Odin as his solicitor and so on, but then...

_Following my death, I ask that efforts be made to find my son, a child of unknown name, given to social care at birth. This child shall inherit my estate, as shall any issue, should they have predeceased me. If under the age of eighteen, the money should be placed in a trust until..._

Yes, he knew this. Just as Ms Valkyrie had said. Interesting that Laufey had even put in place help for potential grandkids too.

But there was something else. The part Odin evidently thought would distress him.

"I forbid the child to be contacted while I am living," he read aloud. "And should he be found without my consent by any party, he is to receive nothing."

It hurt, he couldn't deny it. Laufey hadn't just been unable to find him, he didn't want to. Didn't want anyone knowing about his little mistake.

"I'm sorry," Odin said. "He worried, I suppose."

"About what?" Loki asked. "Why was he so ashamed of me? Because my mother died?"

He was goading a little. Daring Odin to lie to his face again.

A pause and Odin laid a hand on his shoulder, trying to be comforting.

"He was ashamed that he hadn't been able to cope," he said. "It's not your fault. I would have tried to find you sooner, if not for the caveat, but I thought your future was too much to gamble with."

He took the paper from Loki's unresisting hands, putting it back in the safe with the rest of it. Probably all legalities and business matters.

"What if I hadn't seen that advert? What if I hadn't come here?"

Odin sighed lightly.

"The classifieds are a relic of the old days. We put them out because we always have done, for all hardly anyone sees them. The day after you came into my office, I was about to start calling the local children's homes and social services, looking for boys the right age. But you did see it and you did come. I can't say I believe in fate or destiny, but, well, as you say, what are the chances?"

He was trying to lighten the mood a little. 

"Yeah," Loki said. "Yeah, tiny."

He'd always known he wasn't wanted. Obviously not, being left alone like that.

It just stung to realise that it wasn't just a spur of the moment, regretted decision. His dad had never wanted him at all.

"You OK?" Thor asked when he came back into their office.

"Sure. Just looking forward to sleeping in tomorrow."

There was no real point in lying, but for some reason, he couldn't stand the thought of Thor feeling sorry for him.

Not right now.


	19. Chapter 19

Children were mean. It was a fact. Adults tried to pretend that they were pure little souls without a cruel thought in their little heads and that they'd never hurt a fly, conveniently forgetting all those kids who curiously pulled flies' legs off to see what would happen.

And no matter how many years passed, sometimes Loki would suddenly remember something another child said to him in a playground or a classroom. And the ones that came up most commonly, as soon as they knew he was from the children's home or a foster home, were variations on "Your parents never wanted you."

There was no retort he could throw at that. He had no proof that it wasn't true. He just had to ignore it. Getting into fights just lead to more trouble and trips to the child psychologist.

All the same, the hurt was there. And then the questions came. What had he done? What was wrong with him? What was wrong with them, that they left him?

He was beginning to form a solution, an idea of what had happened.

After his wife's death, Laufey had gone off at the deep end and knocked up a young girl, embarrassingly young if not illegally young, this Hela, whoever she was. And then he'd pressured her to give up her baby, made her leave him at the hospital, and only years later had he felt remorse enough to try to leave something behind for this abandoned child. Just not enough remorse to actually go looking for him.

Just as he'd always suspected, he was a mistake. A dark secret. A skeleton in the closet.

Still... if Hela was his mother, that meant he maybe wasn't an orphan after all. He had a living parent, if only he could find her. It was going to be looking for a needle in a haystack though. He had no concrete facts about her and Odin would be pissed if he found out he'd been sneaking around behind his back to find these things out.

After all, for all he knew there was also some kind of small print in the will in another section that meant he wasn't allowed to do that without forfeiting everything.

He spent his Saturday morning trying to clean the flat. Not that he thought Thor would care especially, but crumbs on the couch weren't exactly sexy. Candles were sexy, though he didn't have any. Then again, they were probably too romantic. And that's not what they were doing.

All the same, he was slightly perturbed that Thor showed up looking just the same as usual, same loose weekend clothes and same lager, same pre-chopped vegetables and burgers with red onion and same mature cheddar, pretending they weren't just basically eating cheeseburgers.

"Hey," he said, stepping inside as usual, like they weren't going to...

They were going to, right? Something?

"Hey, yourself," Loki said.

If Thor noticed anything was off, he wasn't showing it, merrily wandering along to Loki's kitchen to put down his tote bags and take off his shoes.

Only then did things change, reaching for Loki and pulling him close by the hips, eyes going a little darker before he laid a long, passionate kiss on his mouth.

"Mm," he hummed softly. "I think we should get the oven on."

How could he say something like that so casually?!

Still, it was nice to cook together with an extra frisson between them. Brushing hands, deliberately getting close as they passed behind one another to get to the fridge or the cupboards.

Despite himself, Loki felt a little shy. This was new. Exciting, but worrying too. What if he didn't like it?

Oh, God, what if he wasn't any good at it?

Thor, on the other hand, so worldly with his one other sexual partner, seemed endlessly relaxed. He was laughing and smiling the same as always, plating up with messy efficiency.

"So, what do you feel like watching?" he asked, heading for the couch.

"I don't know," Loki said. "Don't mind. Something that doesn't require too much attention."

He felt like he was going to burst, eating far too fast, feeling slightly bloated for it and the bubbles from the beer were not helping and...

Thor put his plate on the coffee table, wiped his fingers on a piece of kitchen roll, and gently put his arm around Loki's shoulder. No pressure. Nothing more than a comfortable closeness.

It was a strange realisation, coming on him slowly. Thor wasn't here for sex, as such. He was here because he wanted to be. Because he wanted to spend time together.

Because he wanted Loki, as a friend and as... in other ways too, but not in a pressuring manner.

He cuddled in, feeling the warmth, feeling safe and peaceful.

"This is nice," he offered. "Really nice."

"Yeah," Thor said, kissing his scalp lightly. "I was just thinking I might suck your cock later. If you'd like."

It was suddenly rather difficult to keep control of his breathing.

"I might be up for that, yeah."


	20. Chapter 20

It started with another kiss, a soft one that grew deeper, hands starting to roam a little bit. Loki ended up lounging down in the corner of his couch with Thor above him, not the most comfortable of angles, but unable to really care.

"I've never done this before," Thor said, hands slipping round to Loki's fly.

"You've had it done, though, right? It's hardly rocket science."

"Mm. And I went down on Sif a few times but... You know. Different."

Loki quite enjoyed being the knowledgeable one, half sitting up despite his cock's desperation to escape from his jeans.

"Should I do you first, then?" he asked. "Since I'm already an orgasm ahead?"

Thor chuckled, easing his way onto the floor.

"I didn't know we were keeping score," he said. "And, no, after. Just tell me if I do it wrong."

Wrong. Loki would scoff. He wasn't entirely sure there was a way to do it wrong. It's hot, it's wet, there's friction, it's not difficult.

He let Thor ease his cock out, just undressed enough to make things a possibility, glad to have such a good angle to watch Thor lean up over the couch and stroke him gently.

"Just go for it?" he asked, like he was asking permission.

"Yeah," Loki breathed. "Yeah, exactly."

He expected maybe a little foreplay. A lick or two, perhaps. Something a little tentative since this was all new.

Apparently not. Apparently Thor was a get-right-to-it kind of guy, experimenting by leaning forward to see how much he could fit in his mouth at once.

Loki heard his own cry, surprised and a little gasping, Thor's eyes flicking upwards in alarm, worried he'd done something he didn't like.

"Keep going," he managed to say. "It's fine. It's good."

Thor's eyes crinkled slightly, a smile, and he began sucking, trying to bob his head at the same time, uncoordinated and sloppy and perfect. Loki didn't even try not to moan. He wasn't in some gross bathroom stall now, trying to avoid the bouncers. Somehow life had been a little kind for once and had dropped him in a nice flat with a hot guy shamelessly enjoying trying to get him off.

And Thor liked feedback and instruction...

"Use your hand a little bit?"

A questioning hum that almost had him bucking off the cushions, then warm fingers around the base of his cock.

"Yeah, yeah... Mmm, just like that. Oh, fuck..."

He wanted to keep his eyes on Thor, but it was hard, his head continually falling back against the arm of the couch, his back arching. No rush and yet he knew he was going to come, and come hard, and then...

Well, then he'd give Thor the very same treatment.

It was getting closer, the combination of sensation and anticipation growing within him, Thor seeming to sense it and moving his hand faster and faster, sucking harder...

"Mmm, I'm close. You should stop if you... Ah, if you don't want..."

Apparently Thor was the kind of guy who didn't mind getting a mouthful of come. Well, then.

He looked up at Loki where he was sprawled, recovering, grinning at him.

"Alright for my first try?"

"Mm. Yeah. Good. Very... Good."

A warm chuckle.

"You make the hottest noises, you know," he said softly, like he was telling a secret. "Those little moans..."

Determined to summon up a bit of energy, Loki used Thor's shoulder as leverage to haul himself into a sitting position.

"Your turn," he said. "Stop holding out on me. We might not be counting but still. A guy could get offended."

Thor shrugged, shucking off his trousers and underwear completely, all huge expanse of thigh muscle and golden hair and...

Loki swallowed hard, getting to his knees and pulling Thor closer, his cock bobbing in front of him. Like it was on a string.

Weird thought. Not helpful.

"Standing or sitting?" he said, deliberately letting his breath gust over the head of his cock, trying to tease.

"I'll let you know if my knees go weak."

"Ooh. A challenge."

He hadn't done this too many times, but enthusiasm went a long way in his limited experience. Thor was gasping within seconds of his starting, hips jumping forward just slightly, trying to hold back.

Maybe, with practice, they'd be ready for something harsher, but for now gentle was good. It meant when he started being bolder, the difference was clear.

Thor cried out, his hands on Loki's head suddenly, not pressing but holding, reflexive but careful.

Loki looked up, trying to give him the proper pornographic view, only to find Thor looking back at him with almost unnerving tenderness.

"You're amazing."

Sorry, what?

Loki laughed and got back to it, faster, harder, enjoying the slight tug in his hair, the nonsense babbling Thor was managing to get out. He even enjoyed it when Thor came in his mouth, even though it tasted as bitter as always.

He definitely liked the way that Thor flopped onto the couch afterwards, pulling him into his lap for kisses and cuddles.

"You get ridiculous when you're... You know," Loki said, trying to shimmy his clothes back on properly. "Close."

"No, I meant it," Thor said.

A blush stubbornly came to Loki's cheeks, grabbing the remote to try to cover it.

"Glad to know I give 'amazing' head."

Thor snuggled close, kissing his neck.

"I meant amazing in general."


	21. Chapter 21

It soon became obvious that Thor was not good at not being a little bit romantic when he was intimately involved with someone.

Never at work, to be fair. Never around other people. He was good at that. And if Loki asked him to stop, he probably would. It was just that Loki didn't know if he wanted him to stop or not.

But in the drive to and from work and when he came over for the evening, it was all 'babe' and 'sweetheart' and little compliments. The worst thing was that he thought Thor really believed them.

He couldn't reciprocate. Not because Thor wasn't great, Thor was great, but because he never knew what to say. Endearments didn't exactly trip off his tongue. And he wondered if that was something wrong with him, that he couldn't say nice things even if he felt them. Kind of. Thor was supportive and open and kind and funny and hot and he couldn't find an easy word to sum all that up that didn't sound ridiculous in his head.

He was making a concerted effort to try to be more normal. All these questions and concerns about his parentage were just making him miserable. Doing stuff made him happy. Getting up and going to work and coming home and making dinner and reading and so on was better than constantly questioning who he was.

Couldn't shake it all, though. The identity of the mysterious Hela kept rolling back into his head. He doubted he could even go through a day without wondering just a little bit. And wondering did nothing.

Another month or so passed, warmer weather starting to come in, and suddenly the reality of the future started to bother him. Thor already had his place at university sorted out, close enough to commute from home. Loki, though... Well, after the summer, he really ought to look into college or something. Right?

He might have to move out. Or pay rent, maybe. Even though it was a few months off yet, the idea of not being next door to Thor sat badly in his mind.

He liked being close to him, knowing he was within reach.

They still hadn't had sex. Not properly. Not "all the way" as it were. He wasn't sure if Thor was being polite and letting him dictate how fast things went or if he wasn't interested in doing more than oral, but Loki was interested. Very interested. He wanted Thor to fuck him or to fuck Thor. Either. Both. But that involved preparation. After all, he'd kind of implied that he knew what he was doing where all of that was concerned.

Research was required.

Even in the privacy of his own space, he blushed bright red at some of the stuff advised. Laxatives and angled shower hoses and stretching plugs. This seemed like a lot of work. After all, he'd used his own fingers often enough and that had been generally fine, so...

But what if it was different somehow? And he didn't know and then Thor would find out that he didn't know and...

He didn't know why he cared about that particularly. So he'd implied he was more experienced than he was when they'd kind of been bragging to one another. Big deal. Thor wouldn't mind.

It was nice being the more advanced one though. Thor was physically bigger than him, a tiny bit older. He didn't want Thor feeling he had to look after him where this was concerned too. He wanted to be worldly and experienced and all that that entailed.

On his usual supermarket run, he also took a trip to the pharmacy, trying not to seem embarrassed. It was obvious what he was buying this stuff for. Water-based lubricant and condoms and... other stuff. Safe sex was important. Pharmacists ought to be keen on that.

"Anything else, sir?"

"No. Thank you. Bye."

Not so much as a raised eyebrow. He should have figured as much.

He experimented, discovering the new lube was much better than the lotion he'd used to use, though it dried fairly quickly too. And then he decided he ought to try something a little more like the real thing and took advantage of a particular site's offer of discreet packaging and next day delivery.

Well, for a start, the real thing would probably be a bit warmer... First lesson, he guessed, warm things up beforehand.

It wasn't easy. For all he wanted it and trusted it would feel good once he got started, it was very difficult to convince his body to let something solid and girthy inside.

Relax, relax... He'd read about muscle relaxants online, but had no intention of buying such things from skeevy websites. You never knew what you'd get. He could do this without help. Just needed to bear down a little more...

A lot of gasping and straining and lube and staring grumpily at the ceiling later, and finally he was able to do it. The toy slipped into his body suddenly, filling him so quickly, a shock. And now to move it...

It felt weird until he got the angle right. And then it felt...

Oh, God, he might never leave his bed again. So much pleasure right there at his fingertips. Worth it. Totally worth it. Even better once he imagined Thor above him, how his eyelids would flutter, how he'd gasp and moan...

Maybe he was a little too keen on practising if the way he ached the next morning was anything to go by. It wasn't too bad in the car, but the office chair, nice though it was, put pressure in rather a tender place.

"Are you alright?" Thor asked eventually. "You're very wriggly. It's a little distracting."

Well, he couldn't admit what he'd been up to half the night. Think, think... What else could he say?

"I'm still just antsy about that name," he said. "Hela. I can't even search for her on the system since I don't have a surname."

"Have you tried a wildcard search?" Thor asked, eyes on his own screen. "Put an asterisk in the surname box. It'll take a while to churn through, but it should bring up any file featuring the name Hela on the system. It's not exactly a common one. I doubt there's that many. You might get lucky."

Why hadn't he thought of doing that? It was worth a shot anyway. Better than forcing himself to accept he'd never know.

He typed it in and set the system whirring.


	22. Chapter 22

Oddly enough, he almost forgot about the search, the progress bar barely moving as he carried on with his day, typing up a presentation, putting together letters for posting out to clients. It was right at the end of the day as he started closing all his windows and tabs that he saw it had finished.

Two results. Only two files on the whole system containing the name Hela. And no guarantee it was the right one, except...

"Ready to go?" Thor asked, getting up and putting his coat on.

"I think you should look at this."

It made no sense. Two results had come back, neither of which he had clearance to look at the details of. One of the files was Laufey's will.

And the other was Odin's.

"Your dad's never mentioned anyone called Hela?" Loki asked.

"I don't think so. I don't get it. I mean, if she is your mother then it makes sense that maybe your dad wanted to give her something, but..."

"Your dad showed me the will though. The money bit, anyway. It just had me in it, and not by name. And why would your dad leave her anything if you've never even heard of her? It doesn't make sense."

Thor's brows furrowed into a tight - and cute, in a weird way - frown.

"Maybe it's not money, then," he said. "Maybe she's an old friend who witnessed their wills. The names of witnesses and executors would show up as well as beneficiaries."

Hmm. Maybe. It was certainly a better theory than anything he had.

"My dad's will is in the safe in your dad's office," he said thoughtfully.

He glanced sideways just as Thor glanced back at him, clearly both having the exact same thought.

"You should ask him for a copy," Thor said firmly.

"And when he only gives me the bit that pertains specifically to me? It's not like stealing. I'd just be looking. Nothing wrong with looking."

"There's confidentiality laws to think of. There's a reason we don't have clearance. And I doubt my dad would like it much if we broke into his safe."

Maybe he was right. It was probably nothing anyway. He should just ask for a copy. Ooh... Or ask to take a copy himself. Then he could make sure he got the right page.

But what if he was just fobbed off with excuses? Then he'd have to come up with a contingency plan.

He closed the window and shut down his computer, pretending his mind wasn't full of ideas for how he could get at the will without Odin knowing.

It would be so easy, probably.

Thor sighed as they set off towards home, tapping his hands against the wheel as they sat at traffic lights.

"I get it, babe," he said. "I do. And I want to get to the bottom of it as well, but what if there's reason it's being kept quiet?"

"Like what?"

"A legal reason."

"I've seen the section pertaining to me. It doesn't say anything about being illegitimate. The identity of my mother doesn't matter."

"But you know it's illegal to conceal a pregnancy. And a birth, that's illegal too. You weren't born in a hospital or with a midwife, you weren't registered properly, with the names of parents and so on. She could get in trouble for it."

He hadn't really thought of that. All the same, the only people who hid that they were pregnant were desperate, right? Or they didn't know they were pregnant. That happened sometimes.

"I'm sure the law would be lenient," he said, not really sure at all. "I'm sure there are extenuating circumstances."

Thor sighed again pulling into the street.

"I just worry about you," he said. "I'm scared of you rushing into things and finding out stuff that will hurt. Or jumping to conclusions."

Ugh...

"I just want the truth. I thought you supported me in that. It's my right to know, don't you think? I thought you were my friend."

"I am! I do. Just be careful, that's all."

They'd stopped, but not got out yet, Loki narrowing his eyes, folding his arms.

"I'm almost starting to wonder if you know something I don't," he said.

Thor's face, always so open with his emotions, fell into a look of shock and something close to hurt.

"Of course I don't," he protested. "You really think I'd hide something from you? Something important like this?"

Hmm. Maybe not. But all the same.

"You just don't know what it's like. You always knew your family. You grew up here, rich and comfortable. You don't know what it's like to have been left out in the cold and always wondering why and what if and who, settling for scraps and half-truths. You can't understand."

"I can't know what that's like," Thor agreed. "But I can listen to you and I can try to understand. I care about you a lot, that's all. I'm scared of you... getting into trouble."

He was being so nice, but Loki was angry, stabbing his thumb into the seat belt button, trying to scramble out of the car.

"Can't believe I was going to let you fuck me tomorrow," he growled, keys in his hand, ready to get inside and have a proper sulk.

"Hey!" he heard Thor call behind him. "Hey, wait!"

"Fuck off," he muttered, struggling to get his key in the lock and then struggling to turn it.

"Loki."

It was the way he said it that made him look back, almost stumbling over the threshold.

Thor's lips were pressed together, shoulders slumped, that soft frown back on his face. Hadn't even closed his car door.

"What?" Loki spat, unable to get much venom into it.

"I'm sorry. You're right. I can't understand what it's like. But I meant what I said, you can talk to me about anything. And..."

He trailed off, wiping his eyes with one hand, sighing heavily.

"What?" Loki said again, fight mostly gone out of him.

"And... And I hope you didn't mean that. That you'd 'let' me have sex with you. I don't want you to 'let' me do anything. When we do stuff, I want you to want to do it. I hate... I hate the idea of it being anything else, of you feeling you have to or something. I don't want it if you don't want it too."

That hadn't been what he meant at all. The thought hadn't even entered his head. And that sounded like it was significantly denting his chances of getting Thor into bed and, fight or no fight, that was definitely not a goal he wanted to scupper.

"I didn't mean it like that. I... I want it. I want you. But you can't keep treating me like I need taking care of, like some naive kid. It's driving me crazy."

Thor nodded, pious, taking his concerns on board.

"I'm sorry. Do what you need to do. But if you need help, I'm always here. I can do more than just drive you around. As long as it's not illegal."

How was anyone supposed to have a good strop if other people were going to be so bloody reasonable?

"OK," Loki said, feeling pathetic. "I'll see you tomorrow night?"

"If you want."

He made sure he was looking right into Thor's eyes.

"Yeah. I'm pretty sure I want."

Maybe you could still win an argument that ended more or less amicably.


	23. Chapter 23

Loki was still a little upset, for all Thor had managed to placate him somewhat which put him in the mood to be reckless and bold.

It was his turn to get the supplies for their evening in and he took a leisurely stroll to the shops. Proper food. He'd cook in advance. Wine and dine. Ooh, and whipped cream. Which he'd pretend was for dessert and then eat in such a way that Thor would practically trip over his own feet to get to the bedroom.

He knew he was trying to distract himself from the very real risk that Thor would want to try to talk about things like adults. About their friendship and their sex life and equality and all of that. And probably about the future.

The truth was that Loki still had no idea what he wanted to do, professionally or personally. Going to college had always been a bit nebulous. He hadn't even applied for any. Hadn't even looked into courses.

And as for Thor... What? An open relationship? They didn't even have a relationship full stop, not really. It wasn't as though you could...

No. He ought to keep his options completely open. After all, what if they didn't, er, harmonise in the bedroom, as it were? Better to shop around.

He said, as if he'd ever had as good an offer as Thor before.

Right. Chopping vegetables in preparation, oven on, still time to shower and properly get ready. And he meant properly. Embarrassing or not, he was at least going to make an effort to follow some of the advice he'd got online.

Natural hair or slicked back? He preferred the look of wax, but he didn't want Thor getting it all over his hands while running his fingers through his hair. Blow-dried for compromise.

Bare feet. No wasting time with socks. After shave. A very serious consideration of going commando before deciding that new, black, clinging boxers would be a much better reveal.

By the time he managed to choose an outfit - tight black jeans and a graphic tee, not trying too hard obviously - he was really having to hurry to get the potatoes in the oven and the cheese grated before he heard the doorbell.

A brief check in the bathroom mirror. Thor could wait a moment for that.

Right. Right...

Thor seemed nervous. They both were. Loki did his very best seductive leaning on the door frame, his best long, slow look up Thor's body.

"I suppose you'd better come in."

He swayed his way down the hall, bent over unnecessarily at the fridge to get out the usual two beers, brushing their hands as he passed Thor's over.

"You look nice," Thor offered.

"Thanks."

"I thought... I was worried things might be awkward. After yesterday."

Loki smiled, tilting his head to the side, trying for nonchalant.

"Forget about it," he said. "Come, sit."

Thor seemed thoroughly disconcerted, sitting right on the very edge of the couch, sipping awkwardly, apparently immune to Loki lounging next to him, practically in his lap.

"I, er... I was wondering if we ought to clear the air or something?" he said.

"What needs clearing?" Loki asked. "You were showing concern. I misunderstood. It's nothing."

"Still," Thor said, tearing at the label on his bottle. "You made some important points about privilege and luxury. I've grown up with the luxury of knowing who I am. I can't imagine not having that. So I need to make more of an effort to be more aware of what I say and do."

He sounded like he was in one of those stupid little plays the house managers used to make them do to prove they understood communication and conflict resolution.

"Honestly, it's fine."

"It's not though. It's not fair. I want to talk to my dad about it, but obviously if you'd rather I didn't then I won't but..."

"Thor... Not tonight. I just want to have a nice evening together. And not worry about any of that. Is that alright?"

He didn't get an answer. The smoke alarm went off instead.

"Shit!" Loki said, grabbing a towel to flap at it while Thor opened a window. "Shit, I forgot to set a timer."

"I'm sure it's salvageable. You know me, I'll eat pretty much anything."

"That's not... That's not the point. This isn't how this was supposed to go."

Thor's arms wrapped around him from behind, his lips against his head.

"How was it supposed to go, sweetheart?"

Loki sighed, letting Thor take his weight a little.

"Nice food. Dessert. Flirting. Seduction, I guess. You getting more and more desperate and then... fucking me into the mattress."

A brief squeeze.

"Well... I don't know about into the mattress, but I can try something a bit gentler. If that's what you want. And we can always cut the really burnt bits off."

"Are you sure?"

"Of course. I'll want to get my energy up. Got to impress you, baby."

It was unfair for his heart to melt so easily. Really, really unfair.

Then again, sitting with his legs draped over Thor's eating slightly over-crispy sweet potato wedges was probably better than any lead up he could have fantasised into existence.


	24. Chapter 24

"Come to bed with me?" Loki asked once they'd eaten everything salvageable, not able to face dessert with this much tension in the air.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. I'm sure."

Thor nodded, letting Loki lead him down the hall to his bedroom. His heart was hammering, pulse so heavy his wrist was practically vibrating. Shit, he should have changed the sheets.

Not that Thor was noticing. He was pulling Loki close as soon as the door closed, kissing him gently, running his hands up his arms. Like he was trying to soothe him somehow. Or to soothe his own nerves maybe.

For all they'd done, they'd never actually been naked in front of one another before and Loki felt a sudden need for it, pulling at the hem of Thor's hoodie and the t-shirt underneath it. All those glimpses of collarbone and tiny curls of golden hair hadn't prepared him for the expanse of skin and evident muscle now in front of him. How was he supposed to compete with that?!

No time. Thor was already equalling them up, hands so warm on his back, a gasp as he saw everything.

"You're beautiful," he breathed.

Loki had never understood the concept of swooning, but perhaps he was beginning to as Thor took him in his arms, one hand at his jaw and the other at his waist, gently tilting his face to kiss him.

Which of them moved towards the bed? Loki wasn't sure, but his feet moved and the breath was knocked out of him as they hit the mattress, Thor chuckling against his lips.

Scrambling a little, Loki managed to get his feet on the floor enough to tug off his jeans - why had he worn such tight ones again? This was not dignified - proud of the way Thor looked at him, reached for him.

It was easier to make out like this, more space than on the couch, hands roaming freely. Thor got out of his trousers, kicking his socks off too, and though Loki had felt his cock before, intimately, it still felt different and exciting to be so bare together and feel it right there against his own through just their underwear.

"How do you want to do this?" he asked, half into Thor's mouth.

"Mmph... Don't know. You tell me. Guide me through it."

Well, the internet had said face down was easiest, even though he'd done all his practising on his back. Still, maybe try that way?

"I have lube and condoms in the drawer," he said, trying to arrange himself in a suitably alluring manner.

Thor rattled in the nightstand, his breath heavy.

"Is that a dildo?" he said suddenly.

Ah. Fuck. Maybe should have hidden that better.

"Yeah," Loki said, trying to play it cool. So he had a sex toy, so what?

Thor was weighing it in his hand, looking almost impressed.

"Wouldn't mind seeing you use this some other time," he said, almost shy despite his words. "Be really hot."

Hmm. Thoughts for the future maybe. Still, now Thor had the lube in his hand and was moving down the bed, easing Loki's boxers off like he was revealing a great painting.

"Should I...?" he asked. "Or do you want to...?"

"I'll do it," Loki said, thinking of how difficult his early experiments had been. "It won't take too long."

Thor watched him in wonder, his mouth open and eyes glittering as he saw Loki breach his own body with one and then two fingers, stretching, preparing. He wasn't doing anything to make it feel good, too eager to have Thor inside him.

Three and he felt ready to turn over, his wrist rubbing his own cock a little as he reached between his legs, Thor gasping behind him.

"You look so good," he said. "I can't believe it."

"Can't believe I look good?"

"Can't believe you want me here with you. Can I touch you?"

"Yes."

Thor's hands were always so warm, fingertips against his thigh and back. Yeah, he was ready. He thought.

"Condom," he said, lying down fully, careful not to crush his cock against the bed.

He heard the crinkle of the wrapper, the faint pump of Thor getting more slick, and tried to breathe deeply. It's just the same, he told himself. Just the same as fingers and toys.

A grunt came out before he was able to hold it back as Thor tried to push the head of his cock in.

"Sorry! Sorry!"

"It's fine. Just be gentle."

The second try was better, though he still felt the stretch and had to close his eyes tightly to get through it. Face down was a good idea. Didn't want to put him off. And somehow Thor was still pushing in. He wasn't _that_ big. Why did it feel so...

The head of his cock knocked right against Loki's prostate, a bright burst of pleasure rushing through him, gasping and gripping the sheets.

"Alright?"

"Yeah. Yeah, that was a good one. You alright?"

"I think I might have died and gone to heaven."

Such a cliche. Loki couldn't help giggling, and Thor was laughing too, fully inside now, trying to lay himself along Loki's back and kiss him, even though the angle was terrible. Still felt good.

"Come on, move," Loki said. "I'm ready."

The first roll of hips still felt strange, but there was enough pleasure there to help and soon he was moaning and rocking back as best he could, eyes shut with sensation. And Thor was moaning too, muttering about 'perfect' and 'gorgeous', holding himself up for more movement.

"Could you come like this?"

Loki hesitated. Probably not really. He couldn't get a hand to his cock, though rubbing against the sheets with every motion was nice.

"Right," Thor said, interpreting from his silence.

He lay on top, heavy, slipping his arms around Loki's chest and heaving them both to the side, like they were spooning.

"That's better," he breathed, thrusting a little harder, gripping tightly to Loki's hips.

Loki himself was struggling to breathe, his hand on his cock, unable to focus on much but the feeling of needing to come suddenly, feeling it growing closer and closer, more and more desperate.

Thor cried out behind him, motions stuttering, breath so hot on his skin and that was enough, knowing that his body had done that. He sighed out his orgasm with the quiet of someone used to paper-thin walls, panting, stars behind his eyes and Thor kissing his neck as his cock slowly softened and slipped out.

"Was that alright?" he murmured.

With no small degree of effort, Loki rolled over, and hoped his kisses were answer enough.


	25. Chapter 25

Floating on warmth and soft bed and close body, Loki almost didn't hear Thor's question.

"What now?"

"Hmm? What do you mean, what now?"

Surely he wasn't going to break up with him after they'd just...

Not that you could break up with someone you weren't in a relationship with, of course.

"I just wondered if you wanted another drink or a tea or dessert or..."

Loki shuffled in closer, mumbling against Thor's shoulder.

"I want to stay just like this. For at least another ten minutes."

Thor's laughter made the bed shake, pulling Loki on top for proper cuddles, gently circling hands on his back.

He could imagine falling asleep like this. Really imagine it. Want it, even.

"Can you stay over?"

He felt Thor's hands stop moving and knew what was coming.

"It's not that I don't want to," Thor said. "I do, but..."

"But your dad," Loki finished for him.

"He's forever asking how you are, checking if we're getting along. I'm worried he might suspect something's going on. He doesn't even know I'm interested in guys as well as girls and I don't think I'm quite ready to tell him."

Loki half sat up, leaning on Thor's chest.

"I'm not expecting you to tell him," he said. "But falling asleep on your friend's couch isn't suspicious, is it?"

Thor was tempted, that much was clear. He kissed Loki's little pout, stretching one arm behind him.

"I should get cleaned up either way," he said.

Was that a yes or a no? Loki couldn't tell, letting Thor roll him and give him a brief parting kiss before slipping out of bed.

Hmm. Maybe he could convince him to stay. With the right encouragement. He pulled his boxers back on, lube mostly dried now, and Thor's hoodie. It was huge on him, but he loved the smell of it, padding through to the kitchen.

After all, he wasn't going to eat two caramel tarts by himself. He had them plated up and was carefully squeezing an artistic amount of cream on top when Thor reappeared from the bathroom, disappointingly covered up.

"Hope this isn't too sweet for you."

"You're too sweet."

Loki rolled his eyes, getting out spoons.

"None of that. You don't need to talk like that to me now."

"Sorry. I like letting you know though."

Ugh, that shouldn't charm him. They'd done the deed and now things were a little awkward. No wonder most people waited until they were either going straight to sleep or kicking the other person out.

Still, Thor was glancing at his legs rather openly. That felt nice. Part if him had perhaps been worried that he'd become less desirable afterwards somehow. Why that would be, he didn't know. He certainly didn't find Thor any less alluring as they curled up on the couch once more.

"I've been thinking," Thor said after a little while, lips slightly white from cream. "About Hela. About finding out who she is. And, well... Surely finding out her name can't hurt. And it would at least give you a place to start looking for her."

That had rather come out of nowhere.

And so much for an evening of being normal, but then again, he was curious where this was going. Was there a plan afoot?

"What do you suggest?"

"Well... The will is in Dad's safe. We know when his meetings are on. We could... sneak in and find out the name. In and out, two minutes tops."

Loki's heart leapt. What a turn around. He should sleep with people more often if it made them bend to his will so easily.

"You could keep watch..." Loki said carefully.

Thor shook his head.

"You keep watch. I know all the birthdays that might be the code."

Ooh...

Plate still in hand, Loki straddled him, all bare legs and over-long sleeves.

"You're hot when you're devious."

"I'll make a note of that."

He only very nearly got dessert all over the couch in his eagerness. It would have been fine. Would definitely have been washable. And lounging with his head in Thor's lap afterwards was so comfortable, he found himself dozing a little, stress feeling like it was leaking out of his body. He'd been so worried about being intimate with Thor, how that was going to go, about his search coming to a grinding halt. It was nice to put both of them aside for a while.

Of course, the worry would come back. It was a huge risk, sneaking a look at the will. And what if he found out something he didn't want to know?

What if Hela was his mother? Or knew who was? What then? How was he supposed to contact her? Would she even want him to? Or would he be rejected all over again, old enough now to remember it?

"Hey," Thor said gently. "I should probably head off."

"You're not staying?"

He sighed, evidently wanting to.

"Next time. We'll have a movie marathon. And I'll bring a sleeping bag and not use it."

That did sound good, he had to admit. And a goodnight kiss felt better, his fingers reaching for the hem of the hoodie to give it back.

"I'll get it later," Thor whispered, stilling his hands. "It looks good on you."

Loki flopped onto his bed with a strange tingle in his body, blushing for some stupid reason, rolling into the dirtied sheets almost giggling. Wearing Thor's clothes, the room smelling of him... It felt right somehow. Warm and good.

It would be better if Thor himself was still there to provide extra body heat, but, well, maybe patience was a virtue after all.

Oh, he had to get over this ridiculous phase before Monday. Creeping around the office was going to be suspicious enough without also giving away the fact that they were...

Well, up to other things too.


	26. Chapter 26

Odin had a meeting at two, but Thor said he thought they ought to wait until quarter past. Just in case he was delayed by a phone call or something.

"I feel really bad about this," he said. "I feel sick."

"It's just nerves," Loki tried.

He knew that wasn't what he was meant to say. He was meant to tell Thor that he didn't have to do this. That he could back out. But no. Loki knew he needed this. He needed the name, so he needed the will, so he needed into the safe, and Thor was most likely to be able to guess Odin's passcode for it, so he needed Thor.

It wasn't mean. It was necessary. And besides, he could reward Thor handsomely for his help later.

They needed an excuse, just in case someone questioned them, of course, a reason to be sneaking into Odin's office.

How fortunate that they were in charge of all the incoming and outgoing mail. Yes, it would be an unusual time for them to do their rounds, but not so unusual that anyone would question it.

They began on the top floor and worked downwards, collecting envelopes from anyone who had them, trying not to look like they were rushing down to Odin's office.

"Wait here," Thor whispered in the corridor. "I'll only be a second."

He punched in the door code and slipped inside, leaving Loki with a handful of post and a stomach full of butterflies.

He even started sorting the letters into local and national post to occupy himself, frowning at a particularly odd font choice, when he heard the voice behind him.

"What are you doing?"

Heimdall. He jumped, deliberately dropping his burden and hoping it didn't seem too obvious a distraction.

"I didn't hear you there," he said truthfully as Heimdall approached to help him pick everything up. "We're just... getting the post. Stretching our legs a bit after lunch."

Come on, Thor! What was taking so long?!

Loki scrambled to his feet, dusting off his knees even though he knew the floor was spotless as usual.

"Mr Borsson is in a meeting."

Uh...

"Yes, I know. Thor's just popped in to check his outbox. Didn't need both of us trespassing."

He forced out a little laugh. Heimdall was having none of it. He eyed Loki coolly, his hand moving towards the door panel, finger poised...

Thor opened the door, envelopes in hand, like everything was normal.

"Hi, Heimdall. I think Dad's in a meeting if you're looking for him."

Oh, he knew something was up. It was obvious from the way he was looking at them and then glancing into the office. Checking nothing was out of place.

But even if he told Odin, what would he find? Posted letters and nothing else. Hardly grounds for reprimand, surely.

Loki gave Heimdall a little smile and hurried after Thor towards the mail room.

"Did you manage?" he said softly. "Did you get it?"

"Yeah, he didn't have much to go out today," Thor said, slightly louder than necessary.

OK. Waiting until they definitely weren't being overheard by Heimdall or anyone else. Fair point.

Only once the door was firmly closed behind them did Thor get out his phone and show Loki a photo of the will.

"I felt so James Bond," he said, grinning. "Even if I only had time to get the specific bit on the back page. Somehow I... I wasn't expecting the safe's code to be Mum's birthday. He always nearly forgot it when she was alive."

Loki zoomed in, fingers trembling. Yes, a witness signature. A large, flamboyant capital H and then...

"Fenris?" he said, squinting. "Hela Fenris?"

"That's what I read it as, yeah. Doesn't ring any bells, I'm afraid, but at least it's something."

Yes. One step further along, though he still wasn't sure if it helped. He'd only know once he searched for her, he supposed.

Sorting the mail was at least satisfyingly repetitive. He could lose himself in addresses and putting things in the right piles. Local, local, national, local, national, local, local...

How were you even supposed to approach something like this? It had been easier when they were both dead in a strange way. How was he supposed to word it? "Hi, I think you might be my mum, mind telling me why you abandoned me as a baby?"

"Here," Thor said, handing over his phone again. "Use my data and look her up. I can see it's eating you not knowing."

A breath of thanks - his phone contract was still the cheapest going, barely enough to load its home page - and he tapped in the name.

Inside, well hidden, he knew what his greatest fear would be. That she'd just moved on. That she hadn't paid him a single thought. That she'd... That she'd not cared.

Did she encourage Laufey to change his will to provide for him? Maybe, if she was the witness. Which of them pushed for the clause forbidding contact? Both of them, perhaps? Maybe they felt guilty, couldn't face him. Never expected him to find out the truth.

And how old had she been at the time he was born? And was that why she'd done it? Because she was too young, couldn't cope with having a child?

The page loaded painfully slowly, thick walls playing havoc with the signal, until at last he saw her face.

Oh, God, she looked like him. Dark hair. Greenish eyes. Sharp cheekbones. Looked a little similar to Laufey too. Pretty, he supposed.

It was just unfortunate that the picture seemed to be a mugshot.


	27. Chapter 27

_A solicitor who embezzled tens of thousands of pounds from often vulnerable clients was sentenced today to twelve years in prison. Victims and family members protested outside the courtroom at what they called the "over lenient" response to a campaign described by prosecutors as "callous, calculated and remorseless."_

_Hela Fenris, 29, stole money from the accounts of regular clients over several years, particularly draining the assets of elderly men and women..._

Loki couldn't bear to read any more. All he'd wanted was to find out if he was anything like his parents and here he was learning that his mother was a thief and his father had knocked up...

When did this date from? Four years ago. So if she was twenty-nine then, when he was fourteen...

Fifteen. She'd been fifteen years old. Probably younger when she fell pregnant.

Fuck.

"She's in prison," he said, numb.

"What?" Thor spluttered, taking the phone back, eyes flicking back and forth, brows shooting upwards.

"She dumped me and then she went off all carefree and then she fucked up her life by stealing other people's life savings."

The bitterness was so strong he could taste it. No wonder Odin had tried to shield him from it. He'd been trying to be kind.

"Hang on," Thor said, a hand on his shoulder. "Slow down. She might not be your mother. We don't know that for sure. Why would a teenage girl be hanging around with your dad anyway?"

"Maybe she was on work experience. Maybe she was a friend's kid. It happens all the time."

Didn't he know it? There'd been a number of children he grew up with who were either the victims or result of exactly that kind of thing.

Still, to be fair, it was one thing to suspect and quite another to know.

"What are you going to do?" Thor asked. "What do you want to do now? You still don't know for sure..."

Why did he have to be so bloody reasonable?

"I can hardly just go and see her unannounced," he said. "She's halfway across the country. And there's probably rules and forms and hoops to jump through."

He was thoroughly miserable about all of it, and that had to be obvious because Thor was pulling him into a hug, warm and strong and comforting.

"You could write?" he suggested. "Try getting in contact that way?"

"I'll think about it."

He'd probably think about nothing else for days. Letters kept starting themselves in his head and then devolving into mush, into familiar thoughts of how much she must have hated him to just abandon him like that.

So many years of wondering what he did wrong, even though he knew he'd only been a baby at the time. Whatever sins and mistakes and blame he had collected over the years, his first great crime had merely been daring to be born to parents who didn't want him. Didn't want any risk of him managing to find them.

Sometimes he wondered why they'd ever had him at all. It wasn't like there weren't options. All he could think was that it had been too late. That they hadn't realised he existed as a little bundle of growing cells until too late. That happened sometimes. Rarely, but it happened.

Maybe it was the shock of building up first Farbauti and then Hela as a tragic figure only to discover that one was unrelated to him other than as his father's wife and the other seemed to be thoroughly self-interested and uncaring that was bothering him.

And he definitely didn't like the fact that he could probably identify those traits in himself all too easily if he took the time to look.

He barely got any work done for the rest of the afternoon, Thor quietly doing twice as much to cover for him, giving him worried glances and shoulder squeezes whenever he could.

"Are you alright?" he said quietly as they pulled up at home after a largely silent drive.

Loki sighed heavily.

"I will be."

"Do you want company? Or... I don't know. Anything?"

He couldn't think of anything that would help, not long term anyway. And that would just be putting off dealing with things.

"Honestly, I think I just want to go to bed."

Thor nodded vaguely, lips tight.

"I could throw you some food together?"

"I don't... feel much like eating."

More nodding, a little hand squeeze. It did help a little, knowing there was someone who cared about him.

"Thanks," Loki managed. "For trying."

He liked Thor's smile, even when it was a bit sad with it.


	28. Chapter 28

_Dear Hela..._

_Dear Ms Fenris..._

_For the attention of Hela Fenris..._

Ugh...

He'd gone to bed as he'd said he would, but had woken up a few hours later starving and horribly dehydrated, staggering through to the kitchen to gulp water straight from the tap.

Shivering, he went back for Thor's hoodie, the scent of it comforting somehow, letting his hands slip almost right up into the sleeves as he made a cheese toastie. And then he'd gotten curious and looked up how you were supposed to contact someone who was in prison.

Which was how he'd ended up back in bed, a book against his knees to lean on, trying to write a letter to his mother. Or the woman who might be his mother anyway.

The government website said you were allowed to write as long as it wasn't criminal or in code (and there was something about obscenity, but he was hardly going to be sending her pornography) and that everything would be checked by the prison service.

He didn't really want to have some stranger reading him pour his heart out with questions. He'd have to be sneaky.

Right... This was just the first draft after all. Just getting it down. Refine later.

_Dear Ms Fenris_

_I am writing to you today in the hope that you will be able to help me with a personal matter. I recently discovered that I am the biological son of your..._

Friend? That was hardly the way to talk about the man who had possibly abused her. The very idea of calling him that made him feel sick.

Associate? Acquaintance? Something like that would be better.

No. Don't tie her to him at all. That was a much better idea.

_I recently discovered I am the biological son of Laufey Laufeyson. I believe you knew him._

That was such an understatement. Ugh... What else could he word it as though?

_My efforts to find out more about my family have largely been fruitless, however I have been informed that Laufey's wife, Farbauti, died the year before I was born. The identity of my biological mother is therefore a mystery to me. I hoped you would help me solve it._

Even writing it down was stressing him out. He wasn't sure how much of his suspicions he ought to put into words this early. Would she realise what he thought? That she was his mother?

Would she be inclined to let him into her life at all? Things were clearly not going so well.

And did he even want her to be part of his life? On the one hand, he'd been looking for family forever, but on the other he wasn't sure if this was exactly what he'd had in mind.

Really he just wanted to ask her why she'd left him, get a definitive answer for that, and then he could finally move on. If she decided she wanted to be in contact with him then she would have to do it on his terms.

Yeah. On his terms. Just like nothing else was.

_I understand that this may come as a shock, but if you felt able to write back to me, I would be very grateful. If calling is easier, I can be reached on..._

Yup. Numbers. You knew where you were with numbers most of the time. He definitely didn't know how to sign off though. Beginnings and endings, those were always the worst.

 _Kindest regards..._ Too formal? Well, this was kind of formal, he guessed. Or he was pretending it was anyway.

He wrote it all out again in his neatest handwriting and on nicer paper, staying up way past his bedtime as a result and then tired the next morning.

Thor arrived on time as usual while he was still brushing his teeth, all careful, hopeful smile and warm hands.

"How are you feeling?" he asked gently.

"Mmph..." Loki said, going to the sink to rinse his mouth out. "Bit better. Took your advice and wrote a letter. Don't suppose you've got a stamp on you?"

"I can grab you one of ours while you get your stuff."

He had it poised on one finger when Loki emerged and pulled his door shut, a little self-adhesive square. First class and everything.

"Thanks," Loki said, feeling a little awkward. "I'd put it in with the work mail but, well, don't want to risk anyone seeing it."

Thor nodded understandingly and pulled over at the first postbox on their route. Such a momentous thing, sending a letter to his possibly-mother, over in a flash.

"Are we still on for Saturday, by the way?" Thor asked, probably trying to be helpful by changing the subject. "For a... sleepover?"

Loki snorted in spite of his anxiously churning stomach.

"Sleepover? We're not twelve."

Thor chuckled amiably, though he seemed a little nervous.

"I was thinking... if you want I mean, that maybe we could try... I mean, I never have but you could help me..."

"You want to try it the other way round?"

Slightly pink, Thor nodded.

Well, this was a turn up for the books.

"Have you fingered yourself before?" Loki asked, revelling in being able to talk about it so comfortably. He was the experienced one here, Thor the spluttering newcomer.

"Not... Not really. I mean, I've... _pressed_ on the outside and Sif once... I mean, she only used one finger, but..."

"Well, you have to build up to it," Loki said, feeling very wise and learned. "You'll hurt yourself otherwise."

"We'll have all night... Even if it's not this week, you can show me what I need to do."

Loki's mind was suddenly full of images of Thor's face, clenched with concentration and then lax with pleasure, how he'd be so tight and hot around his fingers, gasping and squirming...

"Yeah," he said, trying to sound neutral.

"I mean, we don't have to," Thor said. "We can just hang out if you want."

"No! No, I want to. Just... trying not to get too excited just before work."

Thor chuckled and reached across to briefly squeeze his hand.

"I really like you, you know?" he said.

"And I like being liked."

Maybe it could even help distract him from the fact that he was once again waiting around for someone else to decide whether or not to get in contact with him.


	29. Chapter 29

Movie marathon. Right. Better roll through the options, even if they wouldn't really be paying attention. Dumb action loudness, maybe some low-budget horror. Nothing sad. He wasn't up for that kind of thing.

Thor showed up a bit early, packed like he was going camping for a weekend. Sleeping bag, pyjamas, clothes, toothbrush, shampoo and conditioner...

"You could use mine, you know," Loki said as he put the bottles down by the shower. "It's not fancy, but it works."

Thor turned a little bit pink, mumbling about sensitive scalp and flaky skin and highlighting extra blond notes...

"You mean you don't just wake up like this?" Loki teased, reaching out to catch a gold lock around one finger. "Here was me imagining you could wash your hair in nothing but a mountain stream and still end up all shimmery."

"It gets dull without much sun," Thor said, pouting. "Practically goes brown. My mum was blonde. I just... I like having a little reminder of her."

Oh. Oh, that got very serious very quickly.

"Sorry. I was just..."

"No, I know. Don't worry about it."

Ah, but he would. Of course he would. He took Thor's hand to pull him out of the bathroom, questions burning his tongue. It helped to talk, or so all his social workers had always said.

"How old were you when she passed?"

"Fourteen."

Ah, so not very long ago, really. Middle of school, exams just around the corner and suddenly left all alone with Odin. It was amazing he wasn't more screwed up really.

Thor sighed, smiling just a little sadly.

"Yeah, it was... sudden. A bad stroke that she never recovered from. I mean, the doctors did what they could, but... And then I went off the wall a bit. Drinking, fighting. Got suspended from school a few times. Dad was not coping at all. Couldn't control me, couldn't talk to me about anything without it becoming a screaming match. And then Heimdall kind of... snapped me out of it."

"Heimdall from work?"

"Yeah. He'd been at the firm for a decade by then. Saw everything, knew everything that was going on. Came round to the house once while Dad was working late - he kind of threw himself into work and never stopped to try to distract himself - and we had a long chat. About how things weren't fair and bad things happened sometimes. And then he told me very quietly that Mum would be really disappointed in me if she saw what I was doing. And he was right. I had to learn other ways to deal with my emotions."

Loki had never been much good at that. He was a bottler most of the time, preferring to hide things away in the corners of his mind rather than let them out.

"How?" he asked. "What did you do?"

Thor shrugged.

"I pretty much just distracted myself in less destructive ways. I joined sports clubs. I structured a routine for doing school work, started dragging my grades up. Started learning more about what Dad did, how it worked, what I'd need in qualifications to do for that career. I calmed down, basically, before they needed to send me to anger management."

"Was it that serious?"

He smiled, a little crooked.

"Probably not, but, you know, worst case scenario. Anyway. Long time ago."

He might as well have had 'Change The Subject!' written above his head in pink flashing neon letters.

"Do you want a tea? It's a bit early for booze just yet I think."

Thor's grateful glances made his heart swell as he chattered about nothing in particular, just trying to smooth out the atmosphere a little. Before long, they were snuggled up on the couch, genuinely starting the first of Loki's list of films, just happy to be in each other's company.

"I've never really talked to anyone about that before," Thor said after a while.

Loki knew he was meant to say something comforting. Something about how Thor could talk about anything, how he was happy to listen.

He never quite knew how to word that stuff though. It was too open. Too vulnerable.

Instead he just cuddled in, trying to be the bigger spoon, even if it was sideways. Later on, when they were curled up in bed, he'd give it more of a try.

And Thor's mind was evidently drifting that way too, leaning close to Loki's ear as if they might be overheard.

"I thought about what you said. About practising."

"Mm-hm?"

"I wasn't very good at it. I only really managed one finger."

Loki took his hand, examining it critically.

"They're quite thick, to be fair."

"Mm, but you forget that I've had you in my mouth and so I know how much thicker you are."

"Trust me, Thor, I am not forgetting that."

Soft chuckles. A kiss, open-mouthed and sweet.

"Maybe after dinner you can... help me?"

"I can certainly try."

Part of Loki suspected that Thor had got a bit upset and was seeking distraction and comfort, but he'd been doing that early on in their relationship too, so he could hardly judge.

And maybe he liked that they trusted each other enough to want to do it together.

It was nice to have such a good friend.


	30. Chapter 30

Of all the things Loki had ever fantasised about, having a hot naked guy in his bed had always been fairly high on the list. Actually having it for real was very nice indeed, he had to admit.

Thor lounged like a carefree emperor, his cock thickening up as he shamelessly watched Loki get undressed, biting his lower lip.

"How do you want me?" he asked.

Loki let out a shuddering sigh and tried to make his brain work.

"OK. Well, it's easier if you lie on your stomach, but we can do it like this if you like. However you're comfortable."

"Like this. I want to be able to see you. Your face."

He was so trusting. So open, so evidently desirous.

"OK," Loki said again, getting the lube out of the nightstand. "Hold this. Warm it up a bit in your hands. Now, you need to relax so I'm going to try to help with that."

He didn't really know what he was doing. He didn't want to get Thor off just yet. That could wait. How had he prepared himself? What had worked best?

Gently reaching between Thor's legs, he found the soft skin and tight furl of muscle that he'd be contesting with and carefully began rubbing at it in little circles.

"That OK?"

"Yeah. Bit weird, but fine."

"Hopefully it'll feel a bit better than fine soon."

He occupied his other hand with exploring, stroking up Thor's leg and up to his torso, the faint lines of his stomach muscles. Thor caught his hand and brought it to his lips, kissing it at first before deliberately catching Loki's eye and taking one finger into his mouth.

"Oh..."

"Hmm?"

"You're terrible," Loki said, snatching his hand back and thoughtfully swapping to his newly damp finger.

Thor jolted lightly, surprise in his face.

"Interesting?"

"Yeah. I don't know why it should be, but..."

Loki grinned at him and motioned for the lube, slightly warmed, silky smooth on his fingertips. If you liked that, Thor...

"Ooh... That's nice. Nicer than I expected."

"What were you using?"

"Vaseline. Didn't want to risk buying anything in just in case Dad found it."

Hmm. Fair enough.

He could feel Thor relaxing, little by little. Tangible, tactile.

"I'm going to try pushing inside now."

"Can't wait."

It was slow. Careful. Different, doing it to someone else. He was being much more gentle with Thor than with himself, worried about hurting him. Only the first knuckle to start with, keeping watch on Thor's face before trying to press deeper and find the right spot.

He wasn't exactly expecting Thor to jolt as violently as he did.

"Fuck!"

"Sorry! Sorry, I'll stop."

"No! No, it's good. Just intense."

Well, then...

A little more slick, a little more time and he had Thor squirming and panting on two of his fingers, cock leaking as he tried to stroke it with any kind of rhythm and all in all giving Loki enough imagery to satisfy Alone Time for months if not years.

"You look good like this," he said, almost accidentally.

"Yeah?"

Ah, yes. Thor liked that kind of thing.

"Yeah. So hot. And knowing it's me doing that to you... Mmm..."

Thor's eyes fell shut, smiling, evidently close, hips rolling as he sought more of Loki's touch, shameless and perfect.

Making him come felt like a real achievement, proof of his prowess, the fact that he'd known what to do and how to make it good.

And then to feel Thor's hands upon him, sitting up and reaching for him, pulling him into sloppy kisses, his own erection bumping against his skin.

"Come here," he whispered desperately. "Fuck..."

It didn't take Loki long, veins full of lust, to spill all over his chest after just a few passes of his hand. Simple. Perfect.

Even knowing he'd definitely have to wash the sheets tomorrow.

He was just settling in for a long cuddling session, maybe considering a second round later on, when Thor went a bit tense beneath his head.

"You hear that?"

"Hmm?"

"I think I hear something buzzing."

Buzzing?

Oh, his phone? Well, he wasn't expecting a call, definitely not at this time on a Saturday evening...

It had stopped by the time he got to the living room to pick it up. Missed call from a private number. Voicemail sign flashing in the top corner.

He frowned as he listened to it, a computerised voice, evidently automatic since it was halfway through its message at the time of the beep.

"...of Her Majesty's Prison Service. Press one to accept the call. You are being called by an inmate of Her Majesty's Prison Service. Press one to accept the call. You are being..."

It went dead. End of message.

Fuck...

He'd missed her.


	31. Chapter 31

Loki paced around in his pyjamas clutching his phone long after he expected calling hours had to be over. Thor made him a hot chocolate from powder that he hadn't even known he'd had. Must have already been in the cupboard.

"I'm sure she'll try again tomorrow. Or the next day maybe."

Of course she would. But that meant more waiting... He was so sick of having to wait.

He just wanted to know the truth.

"What if... What if she's just telling me not to contact her again?" he asked, helpless, worried.

Thor sat down and patted the other seat of the couch, evidently trying to calm him down.

"If that's what she wants, then you'll just have to respect it," he said gently. "But you shouldn't jump to that conclusion. We still don't know she's your mum. Maybe she wants to... help you find her."

Optimistic? Yes. Ridiculous? Maybe not.

Still, now he was stuck in limbo, wondering.

"I think you should take this as a good sign," Thor said firmly. "I mean, if I didn't want to talk to someone, I wouldn't bother telling them. If she's calling, it must be because she wants to talk."

That made sense, didn't it? Maybe. Unless she'd read his letter and immediately tried to get in contact to tell him to fuck off...

Thor pulled him close, kissing his temple.

"Do you have any lotion?" he asked. "Or moisturiser?"

"What?"

"You're very tense. Understandably. I thought I could give you a back rub? And then cuddle. I'm still looking forward to sharing a bed. As long as that's OK. I can go if you want to be by yourself, tell Dad you're not feeling so good."

"No," Loki said, shaking his head. "No, stay. I'd just be climbing the walls if I was alone."

"Back rub?"

Hmm... He was very stressed. Maybe he ought to try anything that might help.

Though really, as Thor sat behind him, carefully working knots out of his muscles with gentle but firm passes of his thumbs, Loki wasn't sure he was appreciating it properly. It felt nice, better than nice, but all the same he was distracted. Couldn't convince his mind to stop whirling.

He couldn't stop wondering if she was disappointed. Maybe it had taken a lot of courage to make that phonecall. What if she couldn't muster it again?

Thor worked his shoulders into softness, breathing steadily. No talking. No other sounds. Peaceful, almost to the point of discomfort. He was much too antsy for peace and quiet.

"Can you lie down for me? It might be easier."

Loki was doing his best. After all, attractive shirtless man giving all his attention to gentle touch? This was surely plenty of people's fantasies. He ought to enjoy it.

Maybe he was after a while, the long, slow motions of Thor's hands helping to lull him into a state that was almost like being calm. Almost. Must have been because suddenly he had been asleep and was waking up at the sound of Thor turning the light off and clambering into the other side of the bed.

So much for being the big spoon. It was far, far easier to let Thor scoop him into one arm, bare skin to skin, warm and solid at his back. Grounding. Whispering something in the dark.

"Hmm?"

"Nothing."

"What'd you say?"

"Nothing. Just goodnight."

Sounded like a lie, but he didn't want to wake up properly to interrogate it. Sleep was good. Couldn't think too much if he was asleep.

He'd turned the volume on his ringtone right up, determined not to miss a second call, and regretted it instantly when it came at half past eight in the morning.

His instinctive groaning was soon replaced by utter alertness though, desperately hitting the answer button, practically yelling hello to trigger the automatic message.

Yeah, yeah, press one, accept...

Thor sat up beside him, arm around his waist, looking concerned but supportive. Supportively concerned.

There was a faint buzzing sound and then a click.

"Hello?" he tried.

"Is this Loki?"

Her voice was deeper than he'd expected, richer. And there was something else in it too... Like she was sneering almost. Or smiling.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm Loki. Are you... Hela Fenris?"

He'd almost asked if she was his mother. Only a last second change of mind stopped him. Go easy. Ask the big questions later.

"I am. And I can't speak for long. Just wanted to let you know that I've applied to have you added to my list of approved visitors. You'll get the confirmation in the post some time in the next working week. Come and see me. Just don't tell Odin where you're going."

"I... Uh... Why not? And how do you know I know him?"

There was a pause and then she laughed.

"Of course. You don't know. Still, I expect you're a smart boy. You'll work it out soon enough. I mean it though. Come and visit me and I'll answer any questions you have in person."

"But... Hello? Hello?!"

She'd hung up on him. Thor's face was a picture, all raised eyebrows and worry.

"She wants me to visit," Loki said. "And she's worried about your dad finding out for some reason."

Why did everyone seem to have that in common?

"She probably recognised the address. Dad's lived here well over two decades, so if she knew him well..."

Yeah. Yeah, that made sense.

"What are you... going to do?" Thor asked.

"I don't know. I guess I have to go, if she won't talk on the phone. But it's a long way, I mean... I'll need to look at the buses, try to work out how..."

It was pretty clear from his face that Thor wasn't entirely sure that was a good idea, even if he wasn't saying it out loud.

"Well..." he said, trying to hide it if Loki was any judge. "You snuggle up, I'll make you some breakfast and you can tell me exactly what she said."

No, no, no... That sounded suspiciously like he was trying to trap him away from the computer and the planning he could do there. He leapt out of bed and padded through to the kitchen, putting the kettle on with a certain degree of cross rattling.

"You don't think I should go," he said, slightly accusatory.

"It's not... It's not that," Thor said. "Not really. But I don't think you should go alone."

"Only I can go in. They're going to send me a permission slip or something."

"Still. I could take you. It'll be quicker to drive. More private. In case... In case you get emotional."

Wow. Had he meant that to be as insulting as it was?

"I'm not a child! I don't need minded all the time!"

"I know that, but still, I'd like to give you moral support and know that you're OK and..."

"Why? Because you think I can't cope?"

"No, but..."

"Then why?"

Thor huffed, folding his arms, face reddening.

"Because I love you. And I want to be there with you because this is important and... Look, it doesn't matter. You do what you want. I'm going to grab a shower."

And then he rushed off to the bathroom, leaving Loki with nothing but awkwardness and boiling water.

Hadn't even said if he wanted tea or coffee.


	32. Chapter 32

Loki made tea, blinking like a rabbit unsure if they were about to be eaten.

Always the same, wasn't it? Minding your own business and then someone comes along and drops feelings on you.

He could be sensible about this and not freak out though. Easy. So Thor thought he loved him, big deal. Not his problem. Not his feelings, not his responsibility. Definitely not any kind of obligation. Honestly, you let someone into your bed and suddenly they think there's something deeper going on...

Still, he ought to interrogate himself, make sure he hadn't - inadvertently, of course - given Thor any reason to get the wrong idea.

What had he done? Well, he'd set definite boundaries and made sure it was clear this wasn't a relationship. That was fairly damning evidence about where he stood, he'd like to think.

And other than that, he'd only trusted Thor with his most sensitive fears and hopes and secrets and enlisted his help in learning about personal matters sometimes using subterfuge and gone to him for comfort and advice and reassurance and support and...

Ah.

Oh, no.

Even last night, they'd been intimate in a way neither of them had ever been with another person before and then, when he was afraid, Thor had been there trying his best to help, even going as far as non-erotic massage, just because he cared.

Crap.

Though after the initial shock passed, he began trying to think about it more rationally. Why didn't he want to be in love? Wasn't it meant to feel good, after all?

Well, because it would end. Thor would go off to study and meet someone new and that would be that. So there was no point. It would just end in tears.

Then again, the idea of having a first love was appealing to him for some reason. Something inside him wanted to check off such a momentous life point. There was something distinctly compelling about it.

He wasn't sure maybe, but he wasn't necessarily opposed to the idea, he knew that much.

The hairdryer whirred, faint sounds of Thor getting dressed. Taking his time. His tea would be getting cold.

Loki started up the computer. Might as well try to make peace by trying to figure out how they were even going to drive to see Hela. He was just typing in the address when Thor appeared in the hall, more sheepish than a newly shorn lamb.

"I'll just... I'll go," he said. "I'm sorry."

"I made you a tea."

It maybe wasn't the best way to mutually apologise, but, well, "sorry" had never exactly been Loki's favourite word anyway.

"I think you should drive me," he said, trying to usher out the awkwardness. "You're right. It's a good idea."

Thor gulped loudly behind him, pretty much doing a mug-sized shot of lukewarm liquid.

"How far is it?" he asked.

Loki gestured at the screen. It wasn't even all that great a distance now he looked at it. They could easily do it and get back in a day as long as traffic was on their side.

"We'll need an excuse to tell your dad," Loki said. "Some kind of day-trip. Road trip or something."

"Maybe we should tell him the truth," Thor said quietly.

Spinning chairs were the perfect location from which to look at someone incredulously.

"Of course, Thor. What a brilliant idea. Where shall we start? With visiting a prisoner or with you breaking into his safe?"

A heavy sigh, chest rising and crashing down.

"Yes, I know, but the longer we leave it the worse it will be when he finds out."

"Who says he'll find out?"

"He will. Something will happen, a slip of the tongue or something."

"Don't know about yours, but my tongue isn't generally slippery. I thought you were on my side."

"I am. But I think it would be better if he heard it from us deliberately than finding out we hid it for as long as possible. He might be more understanding than you think."

Deep breaths. He was trying to help, again, irritating though it was.

"He had the opportunity to tell me the truth about my parents," Loki said. "And he didn't, so he only has himself to blame if I have to go elsewhere."

Maybe he tried not to, but there was no mistaking the fact that Thor scoffed.

"You can't blame other people for your actions," he said in answer to Loki's raised eyebrows. "Sure, he made mistakes, big mistakes, but he didn't force you to do this."

"And I didn't force you to help."

He had him beat and they both knew it. Or Loki did anyway. Thor seemed obstinately unwilling to acknowledge how right he was.

"Just think about it, babe. Please. Be careful."

"Will you drive me, yes or no?"

"Yes, if that's what you want."

"And will you tell your dad?"

Thor rubbed at his eyes.

"No. Not if you don't want me to."

"Why not?" Loki asked, prodding at the wound. "If you think it's the right thing to do."

"It's not my decision. It's yours."

Loki wondered just how far down the rabbit hole he'd have to fall before Thor decided to go behind his back. Quite a long way, probably. And it felt like they'd come to a truce. Thor had made his concerns evident and now Loki could happily choose to ignore them.

Goodbye kisses were still nice. Still set his heart fluttering for knowing Thor at least meant more by it. Typical.

And typical too that the choice on whether or not to tell Odin rather fell out of both their hands.


	33. Chapter 33

The post came earlier than usual, that was what started it. Generally it was waiting for him when he got in from work, just junk mail and advertisements unless he'd ordered something specific. And that little change in routine was what made all the difference.

It clunked through the letter box just as he was finishing getting ready, excited to finally see an official looking seal. Ah, yes, HMPS, Her Maj's Prison Service...

Why all prisons were owned by the queen was a question for another time.

He ran his thumb through the top of the envelope to rip it open just as Thor knocked. Things had calmed down between them a little over a few days, trust slowly coming back. He was relatively sure that Thor wasn't going to tell on him, but equally sure that he had no problem with voicing his misgivings. Which was good, when he thought about it actually.

"Yeah, come in," he called.

What a set of last words. The last words he spoke before his heart fell through the floor.

It seemed like several things happened at once.

Thor opened the door with his spare key as Loki pulled out the sheet of paper and scanned it over, checking there wasn't anything obviously amiss or any form he had to fill out and send back or whatever.

And then he saw it.

All the air seemed to go out of the room suddenly, or go thick or something, hard to breathe.

"Loki? You alright?"

For a mad moment, he wanted to hide it. He couldn't let Thor see, couldn't let him know... 

The page was taken from his clutching fingers - when had they started shaking? - and Thor laid a warm hand on his shoulder, frowning as he read it.

Everything was ruined. Everything was awful... And he could watch as Thor spotted it, the sharp intake of breath, the shaking of his head.

"No," he said, vehement. "No, it can't be."

But it was. It was right there in black and white.

_You have been added to the authorised visitor list of Hela Fenris, otherwise known as Hela Odinsdottir._

"It's a different Odin," Thor said firmly. "That's all. It's just a coincidence. They couldn't have hidden a sister from me. It's not possible."

But she was so much older. And she'd told him, she'd told him to watch out for things clicking into place.

"Your dad has her in his will," Loki said wretchedly. "It makes sense. She went off, she changed her name... Fuck."

He wanted to scream. He wanted to tear everything down, including himself. His relationship with Thor, the one good thing he was certain of, the one thing that was just his, that he had managed to build by himself with no sudden inheritances or social work gifts, and it might as well be smashed at his feet.

"She's your sister. And my mother. And that makes you my uncle."

Thor was still in denial. He was shaking his head, lips sceptically turned down.

"No. No, she can't be. I'd know if I had a sister. My dad would have said. My mum definitely would."

Loki wanted to believe that. He wanted so badly to believe. And yet... When had he ever been that lucky? When had life ever gone that well for him?

"There's only one way to find out," he heard himself say, words like pins in his mouth.

Suddenly, Thor was right there, hands on his body, making him face him.

"It's not what we think," he said. "It can't be."

He leant in for a kiss, but Loki couldn't bear it, his stomach suddenly revolting and lurching at the very idea of touching him. At touching Thor, whose touch and affection he craved so badly. But it was wrong. It would never be right again. And his heart was never going to fully heal either.

"Alright," Thor said, sounding slightly hurt. "OK. Let's go."

They hadn't even said it out loud, but Loki knew what was happening. They had to confront Odin and hope that their anger was more righteous than his.

How Thor was calm enough to drive, Loki would never know. His mind was a maelstrom, a horrible, constant refrain of how, out of all the people in the whole world, he'd fucked his uncle. No, admittedly, he hadn't known, but he felt he ought to have known somehow, that there should have been a sign or a likeness he should have spotted.

How was he going to tell Mina about this? She'd thought he was doing alright, that no news was good news, that his continual ducking of meetings with her was a sign he was moving on and didn't need help.

What was he going to say? "Yeah, doing great, Mina. Really like my new job and home. Oh, also I met a guy and we had sex and, funny story, it turns out he's actually a close relative..."

They climbed the stairs up to the firm in perfect step, Heimdall looking up at them with concern.

"Everything alright?" he asked, though it was clear he could tell it definitely wasn't.

"No," Thor said. "Need to see Dad, now."

"Thor..."

He'd already turned away down the corridor, Loki following in his wake.

Odin was on the phone when they entered, looking up in surprise, eyebrows raised at this unexpected invasion. But their faces must have shown how serious they were all too easily.

"I'm afraid I'll have to call you back," he said to whoever he was talking. "But that all sounds fine. Use your judgement. I trust you."

Phone down. No further comments. No questioning why they were there. And Thor simply laid the letter from the prison service down in front of him.

Odin would be good at poker, Loki thought. He barely blinked. He merely sighed, long and weary, resting his head in his hand.

"Why are you contacting her?" he asked.

"Who is she?" Loki asked, heart hammering so loud in his ears.

Odin wasn't looking at him and that burned. He was looking at Thor and seeming so old and tired and full of remorse.

"We were going to tell you," he croaked before clearing his throat. "Your mother and I agreed that we would tell you. When you were sixteen. But... But then she wasn't here and I didn't know how to even begin..."

Loki had a brief flash of what this must mean for Thor. Eighteen years of believing he knew everything about who he was dashed in an instant. What must that be like? How much must that hurt?

"No," Thor said, starting to pace, gesturing. "You couldn't have hidden that. You can't just hide a sister. I'd remember her."

"Tell us the whole story," Loki urged, certain that they'd get to the truth about her being his mother eventually.

It seemed to be almost physically painful for Odin to be saying this, his breathing long and slow, like he was focussing on keeping control over himself.

"Hela was... Is my daughter. From a previous relationship. Her mother and I were... not suited. I brought her up as best I could. Not perfectly, I admit, but I tried my best. We were close. Thick as thieves. She wanted to go into the law, just like me. A chip off the old block, everyone said. And then I met Frigga and things began to change and Hela... She just couldn't accept it. And she started to act out. For attention at first, but then more seriously."

Loki thought about what Thor had told him about his reaction to his mother's death. How he'd gone off the rails himself. How this all had to be sounding very familiar.

"We couldn't control her," Odin said. "Frigga certainly couldn't, especially not when she was pregnant. Hela didn't listen to words like grounded and had no problem with shoving her way out if she wanted. I was terrified that she'd... do something, hurt Frigga, whether deliberately or not. My fault, really. I never set boundaries. Consequences for her actions came as a big shock."

Thor had stopped at one end of the room, arms folded, defensive, like he was trying to be small. Closed in on himself.

"She must have been fifteen when I was born," he said. "She can't have just vanished."

Another sigh. He rubbed at his bad eye, like it was irritating him.

"No," he agreed. "But she could a couple of years later. You were just too small to remember. Despite it all, she was still a high achiever at school. Managed to blag her way into university at seventeen. Went away, changed her name, used the trust fund I'd set up for her to pay her way. And she made it amply clear that she never wanted to see us again."

"But she must have," Loki said. "My... My father's will. She was the witness."

Odin looked up at him, disarmed, shaking his head.

"I should have changed the locks," he said miserably. "Somehow, Laufey contacted her. Nineteen years old, nearly done with her basic law course. She agreed to help him break in, used Brunhilde's password to access the archive and make the changes, replaced the old will and then disappeared again."

"Because she's my mother," Loki said. "She must have made him do it because she wanted to take care of me. That's why. She wanted me and you made sure she gave me up and she had to wait years before Laufey would acknowledge me and now you pretend that she doesn't even exist."

And now Odin's expression became a confused frown and Loki's stomach fell for the second time that morning.


	34. Chapter 34

Odin fixed him with a long, strong stare.

"Hela is not your mother, Loki. I swear it. If she told you that, she is lying. But I'm sorry, I can't tell you who is. I promised Laufey that I would never tell."

Oh, bullshit. If Hela was a liar it was only too obvious where she got it from.

"Laufey isn't here!" Loki yelled. "And I don't give a fuck what he wanted. He left me. He left me out in the cold alone and he never even tried to find me."

"You don't understand..."

"But she does. She knows."

He snatched the prison letter back, just in case they needed it for verification, and headed for the door. Behind him, he heard Odin try to stop Thor following, trying to reason with him.

"He needs the truth, Dad. It's his right."

"Thor, wait..."

Loki was out the door, thinking he'd run for the train station, not really planning more than one move ahead, when Thor's hand fell on his shoulder.

"I'm coming with you," he said, a little out of breath from sprinting down the stairs. "Come on. Let's go."

There was a distinct air of anger rising from him as they headed for the car park. Fury. Rage. But carefully held back and controlled. He seemed very powerful.

And very attractive. Fuck. Loki still wasn't convinced that Odin wasn't lying, or that there wasn't some other skeleton in the closet waiting to fall out and cover him in... incest dust.

"You OK?" he asked as Thor reversed out of his parking space, jerking the gear stick.

"We should be, as long as we stop at a petrol station."

"No, are... Are _you_ OK?"

"Well, I just found out my parents never told me I have an older sister and that apparently my dad was never even going to bother. How do you think I feel?"

Fair enough.

They drove in heavy silence until Thor pulled over for fuel, mumbling at Loki to go into the little shop and buy lunch. Loki wasn't sure he'd be able to eat, but they should probably at least try. Might be hungry later.

It was weird having to smile and talk to the man at the counter. Like everything was normal. Smile and hand over money, no, I don't need a bag, thanks.

Thor had moved out of the way of the pumps by the time he came out, radio on, staring straight ahead. He'd taken off his tie, undone a button or two.

He sighed as Loki got in, but he seemed calmer, nodding to himself.

"I don't think I can drive for four hours just thinking about all this stuff," he said. "Could we... pretend we're doing something else? Something fun?"

Something fun? It didn't feel like anything would ever be fun again. But Loki had always been good at playing make believe.

He forced a smile, tossing his hair back.

"Let's head for the coast. Go to the beach."

"Sunbathing?"

"With my skin? Nah, rock pools and finding cool shells. Maybe a bit of paddling if it's warm enough."

Thor exhaled softly, rolling his shoulders.

"Yeah. Sounds good, babe."

Why did that word sound so bad now? It used to be fine.

He knew exactly why. He just didn't want to think about it.

"When's the last time you went to the beach?" Thor asked as they got onto the motorway. Looking for distraction.

Good question. Hmm...

"They took us on a big group trip when I was about twelve," he said. "Hired a couple of minibuses, packed about a million sandwiches. All the little ones were so excited. I was trying to get in with the cool older kids, probably trying to figure out a way to sneak off. I don't remember. We played rounders on a little field above the dunes."

"Sounds fun."

"Typical English summer. It absolutely chucked it down with rain. And we played rounders anyway, ended up covered head to toe in mud. The bath tub was filthy for weeks."

Thor laughed and it only sounded a little false.

"I went last year with friends," he said. "End of school, camping on the beach with those little disposable barbecues. We got horribly drunk and unexpectedly cold, didn't manage to put up half the tents. I woke up in a cuddle pile of about six people, just trying to keep warm. And then I had to drive loads of them home and pretend not to be hungover. Oh, and my mate Fandral threw up in the sea and kept trying to convince everyone I'd given him food poisoning because obviously the vodka had nothing to do with it."

In Loki's imagination they were like the people you saw on adverts. Beautiful and happy, effortless. Dancing in the moonlight. It probably hadn't been though. More like stumbling around in the dark.

"We could go camping some time," Thor said thoughtfully. "Out into nature. Fresh air. It'd be fun."

"Yeah, we should," Loki said, as though the idea of being in a small tent with his probably-uncle who he had a lot of feelings about didn't fill him with concern.

He navigated using the maps app on Thor's phone, carefully avoiding mentioning where they were really going as they swapped stories of childhood days out, pulling into a little village to eat their sandwiches with a slightly nicer view than the one they could get in the motorway services.

"How's our time?" Thor asked.

"About an hour to go, it thinks," Loki said. "As long as we don't hit traffic. Shouldn't do. We're out of rush hour and it's not a bank holiday or anything."

"Do you know... Like, do they have visiting hours or something? I don't know how it all works."

Neither did Loki. He hadn't even thought of that in the rush and the panic.

"I guess we'll find out."


	35. Chapter 35

Loki's vision of prisons was that they'd be out of town. Far away from other people. He wasn't expecting it to be just a large red brick building that could have been an old school or even little converted flats if there hadn't also been barbed wire everywhere.

"I guess it's because they're nonviolent offenders," Thor said thoughtfully as they tried to find a place to park on the surrounding streets. "White-collar crime or stealing or whatever maybe. They're not likely to try to escape."

"Easier to get to as well. For visits."

How were they able to sound so normal? Like this was a perfectly ordinary thing to be doing. Like this was a shopping trip or a day out.

A trip to the beach.

Loki was restless as Thor paid the parking meter, practically dancing for shuffling his feet so much. He needed to get in there. He needed to meet Hela in person.

And the strange layout of getting to reception didn't help. They had to go in a side entrance, which wasn't well signposted, across a car park and through turnstiles before they could finally speak to a middle aged woman who had the distinct look of someone underpaid and uninspired.

"Yes?"

"Um... I'm here to see one of the... One of the prisoners."

"A specific one?"

Sarcasm. Fun.

"Hela Fenris. Or Odinsdottir. I'm on her list, look. I have the letter."

"And have you booked a visit? You need to do so at least three days in advance."

Ah, crap. And Odin probably knew that. He probably knew they wouldn't get far. Shit.

"I really need to see her."

The clacking sounds of her keyboard filled the silence, Loki trying to take deep breaths and stay relatively calm. And then she hummed.

"You're listed here as family. Is it a family emergency?"

Loki glanced at Thor, decision made in an instant, especially if it would get them to her faster.

"Yes. Yes, it's about her father. Her estranged father."

Lay it on thick. Come on, lady. Bend the rules.

She sighed, picking up the phone on her desk.

"I'll ask, but I can't guarantee anything. You need to at least call ahead next time. There's a waiting room round the corner. Help yourselves to water."

The clock on the wall ticked and tocked oppressively loudly, screwed down plastic seats creaking as he and Thor sat clutching paper cups. The walls were stark white, a faint smell of new paint. Well kept, but no personality.

Loki stared at the floor, coloured tiles, trying to spot patterns in the specks on them. Like constellations. He'd gone through a big space phase a few years back. Cassiopeia, Orion, Ursa Major, Canis Minor...

"Visitor for Hela Fenris?"

It felt like walking through water, standing up, feeling Thor reach for his hand and squeeze it, doing his best not to snatch it back too quickly. He followed the man through corridors to a room full of chairs and tables and devoid of people.

Almost devoid, anyway.

Hela was sitting at a table in the middle, hair pulled back severely, far from the glamorous figure in the news pictures. He wondered if she'd chosen the most dramatic position possible to sit in.

He wasn't sure what to say at first, crossing the floor slowly. The chair scraped horribly against the tiles, the guard or chaperone or whoever remaining by the door.

"Can we have some privacy?" Hela said, all sweetness and light but horrible too. Like a lamp at too high a setting, buzzing and harsh.

They didn't like it, but stepped outside the door, looking in. Making sure he didn't pass her anything, probably.

"So," she said, giving him her full attention, so direct that he wasn't sure he wanted it. "How's Dad?"

"I... Me and Thor confronted him this morning. When we saw your old name on the letter."

"Hideous, isn't it? No wonder I changed it really. What did he say?"

What did he say?

"He told me that you aren't my mother, but I don't really believe that. We look so alike. But he refused to tell me who was. And so Thor drove me here to see you."

Her eyes had gone a little strange at even the mention that Thor was here. Loki had heard of sibling rivalry, but how could you summon up that much hatred for someone you'd last seen as a toddler?

"And then you lied your way in here. Quite the chip off the old block."

What the hell did that mean?! Why would no one give him a straight answer?

Maybe he had to ask more direct questions.

"Hela, are you my mother? Please. I need to know."

"Why? Why is it so important to you? You're getting Laufey's money, aren't you? Genes don't matter, trust me. Cash matters."

"But... But I want to know why, I want to know why I was left. What was wrong with me? And if Thor is my uncle, then that..."

"Oh, Thor this, Thor that. God, you sound like Dad. So what if Thor's your uncle? It's not like you're fucking him."

Always so good at hiding things, but Loki knew he'd given himself away. Given some tell. The glint in her eye told him as much, the slow smile making its way across her face.

"Oh, my God," she said, laughing, bringing her hand to her face. "Oh, that's too perfect. I'm almost tempted not to tell you the truth."

The pain felt almost physical, his heart aching. To have come so far...

"Odin doesn't want me to know who my mother is," he said in a flash of inspiration. "Imagine how pissed he'll be if you tell me."

She seemed to respect that, lips quirked in a smile.

"You know, I had a feeling you'd be a smart boy."


	36. Chapter 36

Loki felt like he was facing a magician. Any moment now, the tablecloth would be pulled away, or the hat would be crushed and everything would change.

Hela certainly had a flair for the dramatic.

"I'm not your mother. I've forgotten plenty of nights to drink and other things, but I'm pretty sure I'd remember giving birth. No, you need context. And I'm thirsty. Be a dear and get me some water."

It was a power play. And for all Loki knew that she couldn't do anything, not with the guard watching right outside, somehow he was wary to turn his back on her even just to fill up a cup.

"Thank you," she said, still with that smile, thrilled by what she was about to tell him. It made him feel sick.

"I was fifteen," she said after a long, slow sip. "And, like most fifteen-year-olds, I was furious at everything. Dad had been called out to work late as usual and I was stuck at home getting forcibly bonded with by Frigga. She'd had Thor about three or four months previously and was still the size of a house. I was always amazed she could waddle through the doors. Anyway, I had no intention of being made into a convenient nanny for her little brat no matter how much she tried to be friends with me."

Oh, Loki remembered that rage. The anger when he'd settled into a new house and then another child arrived to steal all your attention. Must have been worse to be dealing with a new step-mother and teenage hormones too.

"The phone rang. The home phone. Frigga answered it and I thought I'd finally got some respite, some friend of hers calling to give her yet more congratulations. But she said it was Dad calling for me. The 'what have you done now?' was implied."

"What did he say?"

"His exact words were 'Come to Laufeyson's house. Don't tell Frigga. Bring a blanket and baby formula. No time for questions.'"

She raised her eyebrows at him, a look that implied he ought to be putting two and two together by now.

"I was glad to be leaving, even gladder to tell Frigga right to her face that Dad said I wasn't to tell her where I was going, grabbed an old picnic blanket and set out via the all-night corner shop."

"All-night? How late was it?"

"Not very. Eightish perhaps. It took me half an hour to walk over there, into a scene of absolute carnage. Rang the doorbell, Dad answers. There's blood on his hands, smears of it on his face. Bustled me in as quickly as possible. And the whole place echoing with screaming... Benefit to being in a house with a big garden, I suppose."

"What is?"

"That no one heard and called the police. That fancy mansion you're getting? You were born there. Maybe conceived there too."

He still hadn't seen it, not even pictures, but that was dwarved by the bigger question in his mind.

"Why was she there? Why was my mother in Laufey's house? Why wasn't she in the hospital?"

"Patience. I'm getting to that."

She was making him wait deliberately! She was enjoying torturing him.

"Dad sent me to the kitchen. Told me to get hot water, make up a bottle. I didn't have a baby bottle, of course. He hadn't told me to get that. I mixed up a measuring jug of it, left it in the microwave. Someone was giving birth, that much was obvious. The question was who. And the second question was where the hell Laufey was. And then I listened to the screaming..."

Loki's heart was going to burst.

"What? What was it?"

She'd been leaning towards him conspiratorially, but moved back slightly.

"Dad had you tested, right? Your DNA? You're definitely related to Laufey?"

"That was almost the first thing he did. Laufey is my father. I've seen the proof."

She grinned at him, triumphant.

"Well, it all rather depends on your definition of father."

Loki blinked at her.

"Male parent."

"Ah. Then you have two fathers. How do you think Laufey was able to go nearly twenty years without ever mentioning a baby? It's because he had practice. It's because you were not Laufey's only little secret."

The suspicion was beginning to form in the back of his mind. An option he hadn't even considered.

"L... Laufey gave birth to me?"

She downed the last of her water like it was whiskey.

"Yup. An accidental ability brought from a life left behind. He'd started living as a man very young, at university. Had a mastectomy but little else in medical terms. Some hormomes, I think, but evidently not enough or not long-term enough or something to make pregnancy impossible. I never actually asked him, to be fair. Skillful dressing and lucky genes helped. No one ever suspected. Why would you? He didn't exactly move in circles that were up to date with trans issues. Hell, most of the men he worked with probably thought they'd never so much as met anyone gay or bisexual. Sure, a few knew that Laufey wasn't actually married to his so-called wife, but that didn't mean anything. In fact it endeared him to those City idiots, made him seem like he'd managed to avoid being tied down by matrimony. But he loved her. He was devoted to her. And after she died, he just assumed that stress and age was making him put on a bit of weight, that he'd hit menopause a little early... Never thought that one night of madness, just looking for a little physical comfort in his devastation, could lead to you."

Loki's entire world was upside down suddenly.

Was she lying? Was it even possible? He didn't know. Of course, you heard sometimes, didn't you? Trans men could carry children sometimes, if they wanted. But always planned, he thought, and carefully monitored. He'd never heard of an accident before, let alone carrying to term, but... But maybe...

"You can imagine the devastation he was feeling," Hela said. "Spend your whole life working on being the person you are and then a tiny little screaming _thing_ grows in your body uninvited. And you were tiny. I think that's why he didn't really notice. Must have been a very tiny bump. Exact opposite of Frigga with Thor."

His mind was swirling. A lot of answers, but a lot of questions too. So many...

"Who's my father, then? My... other father? Do you know?"

Her laughter echoed around the room.

"Well, remember when you said we looked very alike?"

What?

Oh...

Oh, no...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was a Terrible Dads story all along, surprise?


	37. Chapter 37

"Of course, Dad wasn't to know until it was too late. Never even thought it was a risk. He and Frigga had been trying so long. He thought he'd ended up infertile somehow. They had to have little Thor grown in a Petri dish at first. The worry never even entered his head."

She continued monologuing, apparently not seeing his evident distress. Odin was his father. Thor was his brother. His brother! It was even worse than he'd feared.

"Oh, the _yelling..."_ Hela said. "Worse than teenagers. 'All your fault' and 'what do you mean you didn't notice' and 'no, I'm not going to hospital.' And then they dumped you on me - like girls just know what to do about babies - while Dad tried to help Laufey clean up. There was a lot of blood. He really should have gone to hospital, but, well..."

"Concealing a pregnancy," Loki mumbled. "Concealing a birth. And it's so unusual, a man giving birth. The papers would have been all over it. Everyone would have found out..."

He could almost understand. If it had happened to anyone else, he would have sympathised, but this was his life. His inauspicious birth.

"I took you to the kitchen, washed you in the sink as best I could. No offence, but have you ever seen a newborn? They're gross. All blood and mucus and God knows what Dad used to cut the cord, but it was like a weird tube coming out of your stomach. Proper horror film little gremlins, babies. And I had no bottle. Had to feed you off my fingers as best I could. At least you stopped crying."

Loki's eyes were drawn to her hands. Her long, brittle nails. Trying to imagine himself clinging to them, trying to get nourishment.

"When did they... decide to leave me?" he asked.

"Laufey was almost delirious. Kept saying over and over, 'Get rid of it, I don't want it.' Dad was a bit calmer. Said there'd be something, some other option. But Laufey was right. He didn't want to come out, definitely not like that, and did Dad really want to take another baby back to Frigga? Poor, sweet Frigga who had been trying so hard to have a baby with the man she loved, only to find that one little slip with someone else and, pop, insta-infant? No. There was only one thing to do."

That hurt. That really hurt. Another decision, persuasion going another way, and Thor's life might have been his. A family. Stability. A nice house, nice things.

"Who embroidered the blanket?" he asked, feeling numb, wondering if it was a defensive mechanism.

"Dad did. I don't know what his plan was with that. Some kind of weird insurance in case they ever needed to find you. No idea. We wrapped you up, fast asleep, took you to the staff entrance of the hospital, and then I took Dad and Laufey for every penny I could get. They didn't want this getting out? Silence costs."

So much for trust funds. And so much for that image he'd always clung to of a tearful mother picking out the initials before kissing him goodbye, running out into the night.

He heard a sniffle and realised it was him. But he'd known this! He'd known he was a mistake, unwanted, got rid of.

He'd just kind of hoped there was at least some regret involved.

"Why did Laufey put me into his will if he didn't want anything to do with me?"

"Dad was starting to make vague noises about trying to track you down, maybe adopt you. No matter how much he promised Laufey that he'd never tell the truth about your parentage, the risk was too great. Laufey figured that leaving you a fortune once he was dead would satisfy Dad's wish to do right by you. And Brunhilde had always liked a drink. I thought I'd have to take her out and ask her for her password, but, well... She rather did the work for me, writing it down."

Loki already felt like he'd been stabbed, but this was just twisting the knife.

"Odin... Odin wanted me?"

"He felt bad about leaving you. Is guilt the same as want? I'm not so sure."

"Did Frigga know?"

"Oh, God, no. She'd have marched on down to child services and carried you off regardless of what Laufey said. I don't think she ever understood why Dad kept funding me in spite of everything. Shame really. To keep such a big secret from someone you supposedly love."

Distress was rapidly changing to anger. He could have been taken in. He could have been spared years of wondering, of not knowing. And she had done that to him. She had helped Laufey get his way.

"If he was funding you, how come you're in here?"

"Because... people are stupid. And it was fun to steal from them."

It was so pointless. She hadn't needed to do any of it. She could have been happy and free.

"Don't look at me so disapproving," she spat. "Odin used to fleece clients for all he could get. A little extra here and there all adds up. He was just always careful to stay on the right side of the law."

Loki didn't want to hear any more. He felt sick, he'd got his answers, he didn't need to...

As he stood up, something that had been faintly ringing at the back of his mind finally started screaming for attention.

"What do you mean, Odin thought he was infertile? And they had to grow Thor in a lab?"

A long, slow smile.

"I knew you'd be a clever one."


	38. Chapter 38

Thor was waiting for him still, leg bouncing, his cup shredded into strips in his hands, leaping up at his approach.

"Is she...?"

Loki glanced at the guard, afraid to blow their cover.

"No," Loki said. "No, she's not. Come on. Let's go home."

There had evidently been some rules bent for them and Thor was careful to pause and thank the receptionist before they left. Loki felt a bit numb. He knew something now that could shatter Thor's understanding of himself for the second time in one day. First a long-lost sister, now this?

Would he even want to know?

Well, yes, but was it Loki's place to tell him?

"When you said home..." Thor said carefully as they got into the car.

Oh, it was so tempting to run away. But to what? Where? No... Best to head back.

"I meant home. We need to go and talk to... Odin."

Your dad. My dad. Our dad? Not your dad? God, it was confusing.

"Did she tell you who your mother is? Or would you rather not...?"

Hmm...

"I'm not sure you'd believe me if I told you."

"Try me."

"Maybe not while you're driving."

He felt the glance rather than saw it. The concern rolling off Thor in waves.

"OK," Thor said carefully. "How about we go pick up some chips, go sit somewhere, and you can tell me what you found out. Early dinner. So we don't end up starving on the way back."

"Chips, really?"

"Sure. Can't go to the beach without having fish and chips!"

He was trying to make light of it all, like he knew there were terrible things to come. Still, takeaways had been a rare treat in Loki's youth and the smell of batter, oil and vinegar was comforting somehow, even the feel of greasy paper under his fingers as they pulled up by a canal, watching seagulls twirl overhead.

And then he told Thor the truth about who his mother was. Or his other father. Whatever, the person who gave birth to him.

There was something faintly ridiculous about the way Thor gazed out of the window, a chip halfway to his mouth, a little frown of surprise on his face.

"I would never have guessed," he said eventually.

That seemed altogether too calm a response. Maybe Loki could tell him the other secret Hela had dropped into conversation. It still made him a little uncomfortable though. Like it wasn't his right.

No. He ought to give Odin a chance to come clean first. One last chance.

"You're very calm," he said instead. "Don't you understand? Your dad is my dad. That makes us brothers. And we've had sex, I mean... Are you not freaking out? I am."

"I'm sure it will hit me soon. I'm just... Working on believing it. And it's not like we knew. How were we supposed to know? I mean, Dad never even so much as hinted..."

"He never hinted about Hela either," Loki pointed out. "I say we go home and confront him. Get it all out in the open."

"Mm. Yeah, you're right. No more lies."

To his own surprise, Loki suddenly thought guiltily about how he'd misled Thor when they first got together. Maybe now was the time...

"What?" Thor asked, noticing his staring. "Do I have ketchup on my face?"

"No, it's just... You're right. No more lies. And that means no lies between us either."

And now Thor looked worried - finally. About time too.

"What?" he asked. "What is it?"

"When I said that I'd... had sex before, that wasn't... strictly true."

Oh, now Thor was shocked. For goodness sake! So brother fucking was fine, but being a virgin, no, no, that's a step too far, apparently...

"I didn't want you to think I was weird!" Loki protested. "And you evidently do."

"It's... It's not that," Thor said. "It's just if I'd known that, I might have made it more... special. Or tried to, anyway."

Oh. Oh, well...

"It was fine," Loki said, awkward now. "Good, even. But we know the truth now. Some of it. So..."

Thor shook his head.

"I don't trust Hela. I want to hear it from Dad before I believe it. Or you and I could get tested. See if we're really related."

Loki frowned out at the world in general, thighs pleasantly warmed by the remains of his meal.

"You're very calm about it," he said. "Us maybe being brothers. I thought you'd be more shocked or something."

Thor shrugged.

"Run out of surprise, I suppose. Besides, even if it's true, I don't think I'll regret what we did. Not completely. I love you. And I don't want to give that up off the back of rumours and known liars."

Maybe that was sensible. Still. He should have had some reaction, Loki felt.

"Why aren't you angry? Everyone lied to us."

Thor chuckled, with no real humour in it.

"Angry? Trust me, I'm furious. If all this is true, not only I have a sister I never knew about, but my dad betrayed my mum twice - once by cheating and then by not telling me about Hela when he said he would - and he abandoned you for years and years and for what? For money? What's money next to a childhood? What's money next to security, family? Trust me, Loki, I'm angry. But not at you. Not at us. So what's the point of shouting now when none of the people I'm angry with are here?"

It was quite terrifying, in a strange way. Being able to hold it back like that. How did he not just burst?

Thor scrunched up his paper and empty chip box, the polystyrene squeaking horribly.

"If we made a mistake, then we made a mistake," he said. "It happens. But we weren't to know. And nothing bad has come from it. And it's not like we have to tell anyone."

"Hela knows," Loki said quickly. "She guessed from my face."

Thor made a vague noise as he put his seat belt on.

"Well, if she says anything, we can always just say she's lying. She's an embezzler and a blackmailer. I doubt anyone would believe it. Besides, she might be lying right now. We could be worrying over nothing."

Yes. Yes, they could be.

Loki couldn't find it in himself to be too hopeful though.

"Be dark by the time we get back," Thor said conversationally. "I used to love being driven around at night. Seeing all the streetlights and the headlights. I thought it was beautiful. And then... I don't know. One day you realise how difficult and dangerous it can be and you can never appreciate it fully again."

He was maybe trying to make a point about adulthood, but Loki was too tired, emotionally and physically.

For the time being, he wanted to just drive, singing along to the radio and eating cold chips and pretending the man next to him was just his friend and kind of boyfriend and not think about all the lies and fears and mistakes that had tied them together before they were even born.


	39. Chapter 39

Eight hours of driving, plus stopping for lunch and dinner, plus talking to Hela... It was indeed dark when they got in. Not late. Just dark.

But there was a light on. Odin waiting up for them. Hoping, probably. Worrying.

He was already at the door by the time Thor pulled the handbrake on, looking so tired. He was opening and closing his mouth as they got out of the car, as though trying to find the right words.

"I..." he said, croaking, having to clear his throat. "I thought you'd run away. I thought I'd lost you."

Thor was hesitant, looking to Loki. But there was no point in delaying. There just wasn't. Why not get it all over and done with in one fraught twenty-four hours? It wasn't like things would sort themselves out.

"Let's go in," Loki said firmly. "There's a lot to say."

It felt a bit wrong to see Odin so humbled. Loki felt almost sorry for him. It had to be a shock for him too, to be found out. To have his secrets discovered.

They sat awkwardly at the breakfast bar. So similar to the very first time he'd entered the house, so embarrassed and unsure.

"I spoke to Hela," Loki said, trying to sound calm even if he wasn't really. "Is what she told me true? That you called in a panic, told her not to tell Frigga? That the blanket you knew so much about came from this very house?"

Odin took a long time to reply.

"Yes," he said. "Yes, it's true. You have to understand, we grew up in a different time. Laufey was terrified of the truth coming out somehow, how it would affect his work, his life. And he hadn't known he was pregnant. The risk seemed so low. It was only once, just after Farbauti passed. We'd been drinking and he'd been crying and..."

He glanced at Thor. Probably not exactly comfortable with talking about the intimate details in present company.

"And one thing led to another."

"Oldest story in the book," Loki said, bitter.

"He needed comfort."

Ugh... Loki hated that he'd done exactly the same thing. That day outside the Valkyrie Centre. He'd been upset, he'd wanted to feel something different, he'd turned to Thor and...

Like father, like son.

"It was only once," Odin repeated. "And I was the same, the risk never even crossed my mind. As far as I was concerned, it was... a slip. We were mourning - Farbauti was a dear friend. All the same, the guilt ate me for months."

"Did you tell Mum?" Thor asked, stony, sharp, like flint. "Did she forgive you?"

"No. No, I didn't. She was pregnant with you and the lead up to that had been... very, very stressful. I was worried she would think that had something to do with it."

Thor might as well have had a little storm cloud over his head, glowering at the worktop and his own reflection in it.

"And then, months later, I got the call at work. Laufey was frantic, screaming down the phone at me. And I didn't know what else to do but to call Hela. I was terrified. I thought he was going to bleed to death right in front of me. And then you were... You were suddenly born, Loki. So small. I couldn't believe how small you were, small and loud."

He'd closed his eyes, sighing heavily.

"I wanted to keep you," he whispered. "I really did. But Laufey... He didn't. And it would have affected him more than me."

"Bullshit!" Thor snapped. "You could have told Mum. She would have understood. You could have adopted him properly at any time."

Pinching the bridge of his nose, more sighing.

"Thor, much as I loved your mother, she wasn't as flawless as you like to remember. We had been trying for a child for years. Going home and telling her that one time with someone else and suddenly I'd had no problems? Asking her to take in another child when she'd already been so understanding with Hela?"

"She would have done."

"Yes. And she would have loved him. But underneath it, she would still have been suspicious. She would have wondered if it was more than once. If it was still happening. And I couldn't do that to her."

"Stop trying to use her to make excuses for your choices! Stop lying!"

Loki stood up, walked away from the argument. It didn't matter whether Frigga would have liked him or not. Odin and Laufey had made their decision and they'd decided on self-preservation. What had and hadn't happened didn't matter now. Only the reasons. And he knew them. Finally, he knew why.

It was strangely comforting just to know. He'd been a mistake and unexpected. He'd been born into secrets. He'd been left somewhere safe.

And it wasn't his fault. Or Laufey's or even Odin's. Things happened sometimes and you had to deal with them. Only time would judge if the decisions made were right.

There was a strange kind of strength he could find in it. The strength to look at the universe and laugh. Thought you'd get rid of me that easily? Thought this would be enough to break me? Try again. I'll decide who I am, thank you very much.

His eyes fell on a photo of Frigga and Thor smiling in the sunshine, on holiday somewhere, Thor all bronzed and golden hair, Frigga glamorous in a large hat and sunglasses, pale lipstick. Yes, he was jealous. A different twist of fate and he could have been there too.

Thor's hand came to rest on his shoulder, warm as always.

"You OK?" he asked.

Loki blinked back to the present.

"Yeah. I just think you're right. It's about time we all stopped lying."

Thor nodded and gave him a quick squeeze before turning back to Odin.

"Dad," he said. "I'm bisexual. And I'm in love with Loki. And I don't care what you have to say about that."

Well, that hadn't been quite what Loki had had in mind, but OK...

Thor evidently expected shock. Fury. Outrage. Yelling about brotherhood and incest and wrongness.

Loki winced as Odin took a deep, shuddering breath.

"Thor... You're my son. Always. But you're not..."

Ah. Hela had been telling the truth, then.

"Not what?" Thor asked.

"We'd been trying so long. And Frigga had had tests and there was nothing wrong with her and so..."

"I'm not what?"

Tears in his eyes, frightened. Loki took his hand instinctively, knowing what was about to happen.

"You're not my blood."


	40. Chapter 40

There was a long pause and then Thor scoffed.

"What? No... No, Mum wouldn't..."

"Of course not. But, well... We'd been trying for a long time and things weren't coming together naturally. And since we didn't know how large our window was and her tests had all come back negative, I suggested we skip IVF and go straight to donated sperm."

How strange to watch a sense of self collapse from the outside. Thor's hand was clammy where he clutched at Loki's, his eyes moving rapidly, like he was trying to find a way out.

"But we look so alike," he said, voice cracking. "Everyone always said I have your eyes."

"We chose... We were able to choose a donor with similar features. We didn't want you to feel... different. And we agreed that we would tell you. When you were old enough to understand."

"When I was sixteen? At the same time you'd tell me about Hela? And then with Mum gone..."

"I was terrified of losing you!" Odin yelled. "I'd already lost Hela. The idea of you leaving too... I couldn't bear it. You're all I have. You're my son."

The emotions flew across Thor's face like clouds in the wind. Love for his dad, betrayal, uncertainty... Which was awful, really. Thor seemed like the kind of guy who had never been uncertain in his life.

"You're my sons," Odin said again, helpless. "You both are, in different ways. And I'm sorry."

Forgiveness didn't come naturally to Loki. People had never really deserved it, in his experience. And yet Odin just seemed so small. So different to the man whose office he'd walked into all those months ago, all stately and strong. It had been a mask. A cover.

Maybe they weren't so different after all.

"It's been a long day," Loki offered. "I need time to... think about this. Process it. I think we all do."

He was intending to go and hide away by himself, but Thor's hand gripped his more urgently.

"Can I stay with you?"

Loki shrugged. If it made him more comfortable.

Odin had his head in his hands as Thor approached, wrapping his arms around him.

"I love you," he whispered. "But I need to think."

Loki could just see Odin nodding, his breath coming in long gasps, like he was trying not to cry. Maybe it would be better to give him some time alone too.

"Did you know?" Thor asked quietly as he and Loki made their way back to the flat.

"Hela told me. I think it was part of her resentment towards you. That you weren't blood siblings but your dad still loved you."

"Why didn't you say in the car?"

"Because she might have been lying. And because it wasn't my secret to tell. Even though I thought you had the right to know, I had to give him a chance to get it out himself."

That seemed to pass muster.

It was strange, going in. Everything was exactly as he'd left it. The envelope from the prison servics torn open and lying on the floor. Unmade bed. Half an uneaten slice of toast still on the kitchen table.

"So, my dad is your dad," Thor said slowly, settling onto Loki's couch, like he was still coming to terms with it. "And he's not my dad."

Loki sighed.

"Of course he's your dad. He'd the man who raised you. And wanted you. Looked after you. That's what a parent is. Being biologically related doesn't seem to count for much. Love counts and he loves you."

Thor looked at him, very lost and confused.

"This was meant to be your day. I was meant to be supporting you, not the other way round."

Loki flopped down next to him.

"You were. You are. And I was expecting to find out something I didn't know. You weren't. So we can be blindsided together."

After a moment or two, Thor rested his head on Loki's shoulder.

"And what about us?" he asked. "I meant what I said. I love you and I want to give this a shot. But if you don't then... Then that's fine. I understand. We'll always be part of each other's lives now, I think, even if it's not romantic."

Loki tried to think logically. Which was easier said than done.

"I've gone from thinking you were my uncle to thinking you were my brother to now... This. Step-brother or..."

"Not legally," Thor said. "Legally, you're Laufey's son. And I'm Odin's."

Yes. That was true. No blood. No legal issues. And it wasn't like they'd grown up together...

"It's still weird," Loki said. "Let me think about it."

He felt Thor nodding.

"Yeah. Good idea. I'll sleep on the couch."

"No," Loki said, maybe slightly too quickly. "No, I... I don't actually want to be by myself I don't think."

The thought of letting walls separate them was too much suddenly. And he was exhausted. It felt only too easy to fall asleep in Thor's arms, even though he'd told himself he wouldn't allow cuddling.

Thor was already awake when he stirred the next day, just holding him and staring at the ceiling.

"Hmm?"

"Trying to decide whether to go to work. I still think what we do there is valuable. I still believe in it. And then I think about how hard Dad worked over the years, how much he fought for every child and family and I wonder... I wonder if that was his way of trying to atone for what he did. I mean... any one of those children could have been you."

"What, you think he was trying to get redemption?"

"He couldn't find you, not without Laufey cutting off your inheritance. So maybe..."

It was a theory, certainly.

"I think you should go in," Loki said.

"Not both of us?"

Loki rolled over to look at him properly.

"You need to do things," he murmured. "You need action. Occupation. I just want to take a day. Have a think. Take a long, long shower. And then I'll see you when you get home."

And he'd made a decision in the night, leaning up to press his lips to Thor's. Soft. Gentle. A sigh of a kiss.

He lay in bed for a long while after Thor left, hyper aware of his own body and the warmth around him. Breathing. The feel of fabric.

The world seemed different somehow, but he was just the same. Knowing the truth didn't change him as much as he thought it might. The big revelations made no difference to who he was.

The hours slipped by in cups of tea and fluffy bathrobe and toast until he heard the car outside.

"How was it?" he asked as Thor came in, seeming slightly shy.

Thor shrugged.

"Weirdly normal. Except you weren't there."

"Yeah," Loki said. "My day was like that too."


	41. Chapter 41

"So, Loki, how about we start by talking about your living situation?"

Apparently you weren't allowed to skip your year-on check in meeting with social services no matter how much you protested that you were fine and didn't need one. Mina was just the same as she'd been last time he saw her, earnest and keen, blue nails missing half their varnish, looking at him with big, brown eyes, trying to make him feel heard and validated.

"Well, I have my own place," he said. "Literally my own, no rent or mortgage or whatever. Turns out I did have family after all and I inherited a house and now I live there."

And what a place it was. Smaller than some, in that it was single-bedroomed, but beautiful. All shiny and bright. Very modernist. Chrome fixtures everywhere. Tiled floors. Huge bathroom with huge bath and bubble jets. Built-in wardrobes. And white. Lots of white.

The first thing he'd done was repaint the bedroom to matte dark blue so he didn't feel quite so much like he was living in an igloo.

"Alone?"

"Usually. My boyfriend comes to stay on the weekends though."

She raised her eyebrows, pleased. He probably had a note in his file like 'cannot form intimate relationships' or 'incapable of love.'

"And what's he like?"

What was Thor like? Patient? Understanding? Gentle? Unbearably attractive to the point of unfairness? Romantic?

"He's pretty great."

Maybe that was a slight understatement. Once they'd got through the first awkwardness of admitting that maybe they were something different to friends with benefits, and the other awkwardness of sorting out how exactly they each felt about their familial revelations, things had settled down into a peaceful kind of comfortableness.

There had been some tension when he decided to move into Laufey's empty house - Thor didn't much like him being even a half hour's walk away - but after a few discussions about space and ownership, he volunteered his help to clear out what Loki didn't want and move in what he did.

And, of course, after all the sweating and heavy lifting was over, Thor ran him a bath with lavender bubbles and they discovered that two really rather tall young men could both fit in there, which was very interesting indeed.

He hadn't really touched his inheritance yet. It felt better pretending it didn't exist somehow. Not yet. And a lot of it was in stocks and shares and other things he needed time to really understand.

And when Thor's friends had come back for summer, he'd been introduced as his boyfriend and spent the whole evening with happy butterflies in his stomach. They were nice. Even Sif, who he'd been dreading meeting even via group Skype call, seemed to approve of him.

And Odin... Well, they were trying to get to know one another better. Making up for a little lost time, even if slowly. It had been Thor's suggestion that they have bi-weekly family dinners all together. Sometimes things even went beyond courteous and strayed into friendly territory.

"So, what are you planning to do now?" Mina asked. "Have you chosen a college course or...?"

"I've applied for some. Winter enrollment."

"What in?"

"Accounting and finance. I figure there's lots of prospects there. And it's what my long-lost dad did too."

He'd learned a lot about Laufey, going through his things. Become a lot more sympathetic in a lot of ways. Always feeling he had to hide must have taken a heavy toll on him. He had respect for him, for what he'd managed to do for himself. Even his name, Laufey Laufeyson - not his birth name, but a truth. He'd made himself. Made a whole life and identity from scratch.

And Loki couldn't even begin to imagine the horror of giving birth unexpectedly. Never planning or believing pregnancy to be a risk and suddenly finding out that your body had been housing someone else for months without your knowledge? It was, as Hela had said, the stuff of horror films.

Though he'd never wanted to know his son, he had at least provided for him legally, even if it was out of fear of being discovered. He didn't have to do that. He could have left him with nothing at all.

Of course, some days he hated him too, but usually briefly. Hated that he wouldn't let him be taken in even in secret, hated that he could have spent his teenage years feeling secure and safe and wanted if only a different decision had been made.

But then again, then he and Thor would have felt like brothers and he likely wouldn't have what he had now.

What he had now included, among other things, the knowledge that Thor had vowed to cheer him up after the awkwardness of this meeting and had used distinctly interesting terms like "ready" and "waiting" and "desperate" which were enough to set his mind wandering off and make him awkwardly realise that he was not fully paying attention to what Mina was saying.

"Hmm? Sorry?"

"You found some family, you said. I just wondered whether you felt that had helped."

"Helped what?"

"Do you feel you know who you are now?"

Loki thought about it. About family, about blood and the chance scatter of genetics. About Odin and Laufey and Hela and Frigga and Thor. About love.

Did he know who he was?

"No," he said eventually. "But I can't wait to find out."


End file.
